I think I'm expected to be the pornstar now

I don't have anyone to talk to and I'm feeling so low. My partner has been working on his PA for over a year now, it had been going on decades but once we realised what the problem was, he went to therapy and we also agreed to work on our relationship including our sex life, which was dead. I hugely suffered with confidence because of it all and I've struggled a lot to communicate what I want but I told him I'm not a complete prude and would try new things.

I'm trying not to be too graphic but he's slowly been adding new things into our sex life, some things he's asked about and been considerate with, others he's just assumed I'm ok with and it feels like I have to just go along with it for fear he gets bored and goes back to porn. It started off good, great even but a while ago he did go too far and I said so but that didn't stop him at the time and the lack of control scared me. I felt awful and he did too, he apologised and said he wouldn't try that again. But I realised then that he's reenacting what turns him on in porn, I saw a lot of it, he gets off on women being in pain or at best uncomfortable with huge manhoods. Its not something I want at all.

Last week I went out for drinks with friends, I was a bit tipsy and I could tell he had intentions when I got home, if you get my meaning. It felt like all the care and love in him went out of the window, I felt like a rag doll and maybe even taken advantage of. The one act I'd said a definite no to, well he tried it. I don't know why but I just let it all happen, I couldn't think straight, I was in shock, I just silently cried. He asked if I was ok multiple times and I just said nothing because all I could think is that if I stop it we go back to a dead bedroom or maybe I was afraid that if I said stop he'd carry on anyway. At the time, he thought it was funny I wiped away tears, he seems to think that's what women want.

Its taken me days to process what's going on, I really didn't think things could have come to this. I don't know how to put what I'm feeling into words, he knows I'm upset but it took 2 days before he tried to apologise, I don't think he knows what he's even apologising for, he's approached me twice to talk about it but I can't, I've shut down completely, I don't know what to say. Now he's trying to kiss me and just get back to normal. Am I that much of a door mat? I guess he knows I am, I've put up with so much for 19 years, he can essentially get away with anything now. I don't know what advice I'm looking for, if any, I just feel really alone and struggling to cope with this.