Strange reactions to new trauma (CW - Stalking, mention of CSA - no specifics).

I have a history of neglect and CSA. A few years ago I had a stalker, and I’ve finally been in a space to talk in depth with a psychologist about it. I really struggled with my feelings towards the events. I felt empathy for the perpetrator, I’d justify his behaviour mentally. I bonded with him. That behaviour used to keep me safe as a kid. There’s been so many situations where that is the reaction I’ve had. A big part of me was terrified, overwhelmed and unsafe but another part of me felt seen and wanted. I think because as a child any attention was good attention. The police didn’t help until it reached 18 months, I had no support for a long time. I just thought I’d share. I hope I can learn to not fall into this pattern again.