Avoidant ex has completely ruined me

My ex ended our 1.5 year relationship 2 weeks ago. For context, we were at the peak of our relationship so far. Like literally everything was going perfect for the both of us. We both would be really vocal about how much we missed and loved each other (we’re in a LDR but find a way to visit like every month or so).

One thing that really kept me happy was that just a few weeks before the break up, she began to initiate conversations about the future. She never did that before so naturally I saw that as a positive sign. We would talk about potentially living in the same city, going on dates etc.

Around this time she was also really emotionally stressed out. She was getting into fights with her roommate and her friends as well. I had tried my best to be there for her during that time. Comforting her however well I could. But it didn’t help that her finals were just around the corner. As the finals approached she slowly began to call and text less. And whenever she would, she would be really quiet. Obviously like a normal person I figured this was due to all the stress and work. I didn’t budge her for all that. It was completely understandable. Until one morning she calls me up, and in the coldest tone ever, breaks up with me. She said we’re not really compatible, that she’s not ready for a relationship. And that she’s not doing fine mentally. At the same time she kept saying how much she loved me.

This hit me like a wrecking ball. I couldn’t believe it. I tried reasoning with her, saying that we can just work together and try to figure out how to make her comfortable in this tough time. But she wouldn’t have it. It was a short brief call. And it broke me.

We both had our spring break trips in like 2-3 days so we didn’t text/call at all during those 7-10 days. But once I came back home, I texted her asking if she wanted to hop on a quick call just to talk normally. She obliged. On the call she began crying and apologised for some things she said during the break up call. We both cried and exclaimed how badly we missed each other. But she would continuously tell me to move on. That we’re never getting back together ever again. She also said she would love to be friends with me. At that time I stupidly agreed.

We didn’t speak or text for like a week. I sent her a long message begging her to atleast communicate with me about the issues she’s facing so that we can try to look for solutions. I told her any couple striving for a long term relationship must always work together to solve their shit out. But she was back to being cold, she simply told me to leave her alone.

Again she reiterated that we would never get back together and that I should move on. A few days later we had an argument again when I foolishly bought up the same thing again. This time she truly exploded with anger. She called me a lot of names and cursed me up and down. I couldn’t believe who I was talking to. I ended up getting blocked everywhere. And I mean everywhere.

As someone who has had traumatic experiences in his childhood with many family members just being absent and/or abandoning me, I atleast expected my ex to take that into account for my sake. But she didn’t. And I have been going through hell recently. Old wounds have been exposed, and I can’t stop crying because I have not only lost the girl I love, but also my best friend. I am also mourning the future we could have had. Something that I was looking forward towards every single day.

I’m done after all this. I want nothing to do with her. I don’t care what attachment style you have. The least you can do is be considerate of the baggage your significant other carries. That’s all. It’s not hard. I’m truly done. The past 20-25 days have broken me in ways like never before. And I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone.