“New” to the neurodivergent world!

30f official diagnosis I’ve received when I was 10 was ADHD and later in my early 20s OCD.

My whole life I have felt so misunderstood by people. People would think (especially as a kid) that I was being rude or manipulative when really my words were coming from a place of innocence, trying to connect, or curiosity. My parents also would tell me I was difficult as a child and I often had big emotions that would get me labeled as overdramatic. I always struggled through school and with my identity. Looking back I realize I’ve had so many different versions of myself because I’ve always tried to fit in, although I have never felt successful. I burnout so easy and tend to go through phases of shutdown where I can’t find the motivation to even get out of bed, but I don’t feel depressed, just stuck.

My mom brought me to a psychiatrist when I was 3 but because the psychiatrist didn’t have kids she never brought me back. She was afraid he wouldn’t understand me. She knows now that was ignorant of her and she regrets it but she thought she was doing right by me at the time. When I was 10 I started talk therapy and I’ve basically been in therapy ever since. The past 4 years I’ve been seeing a therapist and have made the most progress I’ve ever made. I love my current therapist. My husband told me he’s noticed some signs and I should ask her what her thoughts are on me possibly being neurodivergent. As we talked about it she started to approach things from a neurodivergent “lens” and I felt so happy and understood for the first time in my life that I actually cried. The 24 hours after that I was almost on a high, because for the FIRST time in my life I didn’t obsessively worry about my responses or monitoring myself. I was just me. I also didn’t worry about “why” I feel a certain way or did certain things. I just was.

Now that the high has worn off I’m kind of gaslighting myself. Like am I actually neurodivergent? Am I lying to myself about it? Which I know sounds silly now that I’m writing it here right now. I felt successful in unmasking for those 24 hours but now I feel I don’t know how.

If you’ve read this far thank you ♥️ I’m just looking for any support, advice, similar stories etc. it’s kind of a wild ride.