Just drowning

Just need to get this off of my chest. Single mom to two kids 6 and 3. Their dad split and left the state when the youngest wasn’t even 1. He had another girl pregnant that same month and basically left me with all the burden. I was a sahm bc he wanted me to. When he left my mom moved in to help me with childcare so I could get back to work. My oldest started pre k and I was job hunting. Mom had a major heart attack in August. She was hospital off and on until Dec 10 when she was admitted until the February of next year. Safe to say I had no time to find a job and save up for daycare. She got home and a few months later had clips placed. She started feeling better and then she had an atrioventricular 3rd degree block. Had pacemaker/defibrillator placed. She hasn’t been well enough to watch the youngest and with one car and being out in the country it’s been impossible. I’ve filed for child support and had an establishment hearing. They can’t find any work income for him and he’s out of state. They ordered $50 a month a kid and $50 backpay a month as of now and will update accordingly. But they can’t find him and his state has not either. So nothing has come in for that. My oldest does therapy twice a week an hour away and there’s nowhere closer. I had to cancel both last week. I can’t afford gas. I get help from wic and ebt thankfully for food. But between normal life and bills I’m just at a loss. I’ve looked everywhere I can for wfh jobs. I’ve looked at driving jobs like delivery or DoorDash I’m on the country like I said so there isn’t much around. And between my mom needing care and her appointments and my kids appointments and school I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve had many days I just want to call cps and say I can’t do this I want to just idk. But I love my kids so much and I’d never really want to lose them. I just want to do and be better. I’ve sold anything with monetary value. I shop at Walmart and food lion. I don’t buy extra items I don’t splurge. I budget my ebt I coupon clip. I use free groups to find items I can. I sell what I can. I just don’t know I don’t know.