Becoming someone else vs being taken over

Some basic info: I have a dissociative disorder, as my first therapist said, and my current therapist agrees with this, as my MID results said DID. So I'm sort of medically recognized I guess? My therapist accepts my alters as a real thing.

So somewhere between the 17-20 age range, when alters fronted, they would grab control and basically throw me out. At worst, when that happened I would vaguely know if I (I=the body) went from one place to another or if I met someone I know, to give an example. Usually, it was a greyout and I vaguely knew the basic info of what happened when I came back (if the alters had a heated conversation, or if he was crying, if he had a good time, etc). At best, I would remember most of it, but feel like I'm just watching someone else use my body. I thought that's what switching is. I usually could tell which alter was out. At first I thought I was possessed, eventually I found more rational ways to interpret this. During this time, I could narrow it down to one or two alters who are fronting and it would often be clear to me who is out.

Nowadays, what happens is that I blink and my vision is kind of different, I have to look around, see what was happening, piece things together. I don't feel like I lose time, but something shifts. After this silent shift I may have subtly different mannerisms or I may have a different sense of self, with different emotions and beliefs. I may not even realize that happened, or I may just feel like I am a different me than I was a moment or an hour ago. Sometimes it takes me weeks to realize I changed. I will go through the notes on my phone that I wrote 5-10 days ago and I don't know what I was going through and I may not even remember writing them at all. however, there is no name attached to these different perceptions/senses of self. I know some of them instinctually I guess, because when I become that different "part", I may get back memories I'm usually not aware of from my childhood. And when I become my baseline state, I probably forget them again, I'm not sure.

The mindfuck is that I don't even know if these are known alters, and we're just more integrated because I've been in therapy for like 5 years. Or if these are just parts of me in a non-alter sense, and it's just my own compartmentalization as the host. I always thought the things I describe in the second paragraph are normal so I'm not sure how to describe this phenomenon. If you asked these parts(?)/modes(??) who they are, they would probably say "me". But they would probably say it like they're all the real "me" or the only "me". (I know all of them are me and I'm them, etc etc)

Does anyone relate with any of this? How do you conceptualize all this? If your experiences are similar to the second paragraph, do you see these as parts of yourself in the IFS sense? in a non-fragmented sense? Is this how you experience alters? Or something else? And if you have discussed this with your therapist and have any information about it, do tell. thanks for reading 🙏🏼🫡