Is there a way to nonexistence?

Is there a way to nonexistence?

Is there a way to ask Allah to delete you after your death?

Its not just a feeling but I am almost certain I am just not made for this. I am not made to go into eternity wether its hell or heaven. I would have been better off if I wasnt created. And Allah could have easily replaced me. Nothing would have been different.

Everything in my eyes is pointless and has no meaning. Everything I do in this life will vanish with my death. Eternity in heaven strips meaning of everything. Even if I felt joy like no other, it would mean nothing.

Why force me to not only live but also exist, when he knew I would be like this and I would think like this? To torture me or something?

I wish I would have been some animal, because at least those beings get deleted as far as I have heard.

And please dont talk about some form of healing or something of that sort. It hurts when people start calling me sick, like Im the Monster or something just because I think differently. Like I need some weird manipulation in my head to be "normal".

I do not want healing or a change of mind. If that would be forced upon me, I wouldnt be me anymore and that would be even more cruel in my eyes than forcing me to live.

Am I seen as some weird nonbeliever now? I do believe in God, but I dont really want to exist and witness him after my death.

I hope not to have offended someone in any way or form and wish everyone who reads this a nice day.