I think i lost my friend group even though i should want to let go anyway

Hi everyone, man for context i’ve argued with my friend group. Well, what happened was kind of my fault and my motives for the things that I have done are a bit complex because i guess they’re rooted in some kind of resentment towards them that was my fault because i didn’t communicate with them.

they found out what happened and they confronted me about it and i haven’t responded to them in around two weeks now because every time i confront them i get this insane anxiety pit in my stomach. It’s physically discomforting. Therapy here is expensive too so i can’t really get help at the moment

i got kicked out of a big group chat that we had and i sometimes see them post about it on their spam accounts and they’ve added more people in and i feel so lonely. I’ve never felt like i fit in fully in a group, but with them i could say i did for a little while. I wish i could interact with them in that group again now but from another perspectives i feel as if though they’re somehow losers because of the things i’ve realized and processed by myself.

I harbor intense resentment for them now and i don’t know what it’s called but i wanna be in the right about my stance so bad but everytime we argue it feels like they’d win the argument. This all seems like it’s my fault but i don’t know. i don’t think i’ll ever truly fit in anywhere after these people. i’m so sad. It’s hard to fit in anywhere for me