I feel like I'm going crazy

This is a lot to put into a post and I'm not in a great head space so apologies if it's all jumbled and incoherent. I'm in an awful situation, and struggling to make my Husband see things from my perspective.

I (33F) married my Husband (35M) in January this year. Less than a week after we got married I found out that he has a serious problem with crypto currency trading. He has been in charge of household finances for pretty much our entire 10 year relationship together. We have 3 young children all under 5. I thought that we had around £60k in savings. He had actually crypto traded away not only all of our savings but he has accumulated £150k in DEBT. I found out 5 days after we got married - I had a seriously bad reaction to this (my MH was poor anyway due to childhood trauma and multiple traumatic bereavements). I had to be admitted to a psychiatric ward for 5 days - the diagnosis was "adjustment disorder".

Now from my perspective, I loved and married the man. If he had been able to take accountability, get some help for his problem and love me through all of the messy feelings I'm having about what he did - I would be happy to stay and suffer through with what will be a horrendous time financially and emotionally. However, all I have seen from the man is deflection and blame on me. For example, I recorded a conversation where he admits that he made me take out a loan in my name "to put into savings for our children because the interest we would get back is higher than the interest on the loan" - but actually he just lied and traded away the whole £20k. I just needed that recording in case I needed it in the future. I had no intention to use it unless I found myself in such a horrendous situation that it would be necessary (I'm thinking court orders for the debt etc. - keeping in mind I have severe anxiety and catastrophise worst case scenarios as a default). I told him I had the recording, he is VERY ANGRY about this. I've been accused of blackmail, threatening him, slander etc. The truth is, I'm just trying to protect myself and my children, he doesn't see it this way. No one except him knows about the recording.

A few days after the recording of the loan conversation, my MH is taking an absolute battering. I'm struggling to be around him, he's unkind, hostile, blames me for what he did,, criticises my response to what he did and my poor mental health. He blames me for the children being unsettled - and admittedly, his behaviour towards me has made me a really shitty mum. I'm dysregulated, spaced out, impatient. I'm a broken version of my former jolly, organised and attuned parent self. I asked him to move out for a few days (his parents live 5 min away and still have his bedroom set up for him) to give me some space. He refused - I spoke to my MH team - at this point I'm suicidal and can't see a way out - they encourage me to speak to a DV helpline who discuss an occupation order with me. I have him one more try to give me some space to parent my kids and process what he's done and how he's treating me, he still refuses. I bring up the potential of an occupation order as the situation had become unbearable. When I asked "how you ever heard of an occupation order?" he replied "have you ever heard of child abuse?" - this was an absolutely wild comment from him. So what do I do? I started recording the conversation. He insinuates that he will accuse me of child abuse if I submit an occupation order. He then sees that I'm recording the conversation. (Just to add there have never been any concerns about my parenting from any professionals- I'm a really good mum for the most part).

The problem for me is - I genuinely feel like I'm the victim in this situation. He absolutely does not see it that way - he says I'm manipulative, coercively controlling (because I asked to see all his bank accounts), a bad mum for being upset (I hear "you're traumatising the kids again" every day). How can I make him see how hurtful what he has done is? At one point I was literally sobbing uncontrollably on the floor and he accused me of "acting to manipulate him". I feel stuck with him - I have no money, rely on his parents to care for our kids so I can work (they've already sent they won't help me if we separate), I have no money for legal advice, marriage counselling, anything. I'm trapped. the easiest option is for us to stay together but I'm SO SICK of being made out to be the problem. All I want is for him to scoop me up and make me feel safe like he used to do. I'm broken into a million pieces, I trusted him wholly to look after me and our babies. Now he's acting like a psychopath and I don't know how to make him see how much I'm hurting.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far.