The questions i have since my dad died from heart failure

He was hospitalized after a 5th massive heart attack. Because he had Alzheimers and and advanced CHF we had to get him to rest. He was restless and wanted to continue as normal. We asked for Midazolam to help him calm him down so he didn't cause further injury or work himself up.

I wasn't with him but my sis was until midnight, and then my younger brother took over. As per dad habit of snacking a lot i know she gave him some cake and drink. Same with my brother. Looking back i think he was slowly becoming too drowsy :(

He was never fully concious the next day, and each time he showed signs of agitation (thrashing) i asked for a top up of meds :( I thought he was recovering and the meds were helping. We just needed him to get through the hospital spell without more issues.....

At around 8pm that night his oxygen levels suddenly dropped.... the Doc called us in to say there was a catastrophic ingestion into the lungs........he was passed the point of no return.

The official cause of death is heart failure. But in the back of my mind i feel like they were being kind. I am not blaming the siblings ofc, but i do wonder what we could have done differently had we been more aware. I now know one of the complications from midazolam is pharyngeal dysfunction and can cause pulmonary aspiration. It seems like a no brainer now but we were all stressed, tired, in mental turmoil.....i feel like we let him down because we had neglected ourselves in caring for him for so long. We weren't our best, so on that occasion...we let him slip.

Its 10 months today and the events replay on my mind. I kick myself because when i walked in that morning i should have known. He always woke up. He never stay 'asleep' for so long. I stupidly let him sleep thinking hes resting after days and i don't want to disturb him. The if and what and should have and could have ... i don't know.

Maybe one of you can read this , and in the same situation - be more careful and vigilant esp with sedative type meds. This was the first time we ever let them administer sedative in 18 months....... :(