Self esteem and appearance struggle

Hi !

I'm a 27yo gay guy and I've been struggling with my appearance and self esteem for a while.

I always feel like I'm not enough even though I'm pretty sure I'm considered conventionally attractive. My whole childhood and teenage years, I felt quite unattractive but I guess I didn't care that much. It really started being a problem these last few years. I've started comparing myself more and more to other guys. When I see a guy who I find super attractive, it kills me. I have some gay friends who enjoy looking at thirst traps on instagram and stuff but I don't get it because seeing these kind of profiles destroys me. I know it's excessive, but when I think I will never look like any of these guys, it makes me feel like life isn't worth living. Like I'm missing a great and very important piece of life by not being incredibly attractive. Of course I know this isn't true.

This problem got way worse 2 years ago when I had a very brief but intense 2 month relationship with a guy who I found SO HOT. People kept looking at him in the street, vendors would smile at him all the time. And he just loved himself so much. I was really jealous (which contributed to ending the relationship among other things). So this whole thing has pretty bad repercussions on my life.

Lately, I've started really taking care of my appearance. I go to the gym, think more about what I eat and how I dress. I can see the improvements but it feels hollow, like it will never be enough. Sometimes, people compliment me, but I automatically think that they do that just to make me happy and not because they mean it. Which I know isn't true of course, but there is a big difference between knowing and feeling.

I'm in therapy and been on antidepressants for a while. I know I'm making progress but I guess I wanted to know if other people, especially queer, had a similar issue and maybe figured out where it came from and how to solve it or at least diminish the impact ?