I’m scared of losing everyone

It’s been about 4 months since I lost two people I love, one after another, my dad and my stepfather. Both of them passed away suddenly, and I feel like I never really had the chance to fully process the first loss before the second one happened. And ever since then… something in me has changed.

It’s like I woke up to a reality I didn’t fully see before.

I used to just go through life without thinking too much about the people around me, not because I didn’t care, but because I assumed they would just always be there.

Now I don’t feel that way anymore.

I started seeing people in my life differently.

My house helper who has been with my family since I was a teenager, i suddenly realized she’s not just “someone who works for us,” she’s part of my life. My cats, who I’ve had for years… I can’t stop thinking about how they’re getting older.

Even my coworkers. People I used to just see as “work people”… now I realize I see them every day, we share life in some way, and I would feel it deeply if something happened to them.

And that’s the problem.

I feel like I’ve become hyper aware of how fragile everything is. Like I’ve been slapped by reality.

Now I’m constantly scared.

Scared that something might happen to them.

Scared that I’ll have to go through that kind of loss again.

Scared that everything I have can just disappear at any moment, It’s exhausting.

Before all this, I think I took a lot of things for granted.

Now I don’t anymore…but instead of feeling grateful, I feel anxious. I don’t know how to balance it.

How do you appreciate people without being constantly afraid of losing them?

Has anyone else felt this after losing someone suddenly?

Does this ever calm down? i just don’t want to live in fear all the time.

Thank you for reading.