Crazy? I was crazy once!?!

I just feel like im going crazy in my relationship. I feel so fucking sick all the time, nothing makes sense or feels right. I cant tell whats right or wrong anymore. I feel so alone. Our lives are so entertwined that I know i would lose pretty much everything. I feel so stuck and he KNOWS this and made a joke about it. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I miss so many people in my life. I miss my ex best friends, I miss what i had with them and having someone who would have had my back through thick and thin. We used to call on discord and play video games all together, sometimes record too. I ended all those friendships too. Why do i fucking do this to myself. I feel like an overdramatic piece of shit. I do this to myself. Is what im feeling even real? or an i stirring shit up, ready to fuck shit up for myself because nothing can ever feel stable or content. I hate being a chronic people pleaser. how is anyone able to deal with this shit and live a life?