My (29F) best friend (30M) of 15 years hasn't spoken to me in a over a month after I set a boundary. They were supposed to speak at my wedding. What do I do?

My best friend “Jake” (30M) and I (29F) have been close for 15 years. We have always had a close but sometimes complicated friendship. We share the same friend group, live minutes apart, and he was slated to give a speech at my wedding this fall.

The situation: I was recently laid off. Less than 2 weeks after I had just done a very exhausting favor for him (watching his dogs 3x/day for 5 days), he asked me to do it again because he'll be gone for a work trip.

When he asked me through text, I instinctively said “I don’t wanna 😭,” to which he said "Ok i'll find someone else." I thought that was a done deal, but I was curious so I asked a few follow-up questions (how long he was gone for and where he was traveling) to which he answered.

A couple days pass, and he proceeds to give me me details about when he'll be free for me to take care of the dogs, pretty much assuming I already agreed to the favor. Confused, I asked him why his family couldn't take care of them because they're home. He said his family might be able to, but preferred me because I'm closer and therefore he does not have to risk his old dog Max suffering a heart attack from the long trip to his parent's house an hour away. He then added “besides I pay you." This reply rubbed me the wrong way because it felt manipulative and guilt-trippy.

At that point I knew I had to set a boundary. Instead of agreeing to the favor like he assumed I would, I decided to send him a long paragraph clarifying my stance and why I do not want to do it. (I workshopped this reply with another friend who worked as a dogsitter and quoted him a reasonable rate.) I wrote:

"i love your dogs and being your friend, however i have to be blunt with you: doing this 3x a day for 5 days was a lot for me last time, and i don't want to do it again with less than 2 weeks turnaround since the last time. if you really can't find anyone else and you absolutely need me, i would need to charge you a professional rate of $100/3 visits a day, which is still cheaper than most professional services for two dogs. if that's too much i'd still suggest working something out with your family since i'm sure the dogs would rather be with people they know. i hope you understand."

I thought I made myself clear, but then I got a frustrating text back from him saying:

“Jeesuz just say no”

Jake then says he had already planned to pay me the rate I requested because I’d been having a hard time. I highly doubted this because the last time he "paid me" was through a single dinner.

I tried to clarify that I had said no, and that asking questions wasn’t the same as agreeing. I also said I expected him to confirm with me if he wasn't certain my text was a joke instead of assuming I’d do it.

He replied by saying it’s “classic me” to say no and then do it anyway. He also said I was giving mixed signals by asking questions after initially saying I didn’t want to do it. Looking back on the exchange, never once did I say "yes" to the favor so I'm not sure what mixed signals he's talking about. Then he replied with a snarky comment that said

"whatever i'll find someone else. I'm sure you're SO busy anyway."

That was when I got really mad at his reply since I was already bummed about my recent unemployment, so I wrote a long paragraph calling him out. I responded:

"ah so i'm not allowed to ask questions for more context without it sounding like i'm committing to something. also no, i wasn't telling you two different things. i clearly said i didn't want to, you said you'd find someone else, i asked for context, you replied with dates, i asked why your family couldn't do it, you guilt tripped me about Max, and i set my boundaries and a price if you still wanted me. and you're acting like a victim by painting yourself as the nice guy helping an unemployed person with their cash while i'm just someone making it unnecessarily difficult. for the record i go three times a day because when i did twice a day last time Max got sick and your place became a mess, so i do think they deserve at least three visits especially at their age. like i said, i didn't say no outright. i laid out my price and gave you the option to back out if you preferred. so do you want me to take care of them monday-thursday or do you want to drive them to your family instead?"

He ended the conversation by saying,

"ok ty i'm not reading this bc i got a thousand things to do and i'm already stressed as it is. im just gonna drive them to my parents."

That was over a month ago. I'm assuming his dog Max was fine.

Since then:

• He has been circumventing the situation by regularly texting my fiancé as if nothing happened
• When my fiance brought up the situation, Jake told my fiancé I insulted him and that I should reach out first since I wronged him
• He tried to arrange a group hangout through my fiancé without ever addressing me directly
• He has never once checked on me or apologized
• My fiancé pushed back on Jake's retelling of events, told him he was rude, and said he should reach out first. Jake partially conceded he was rude but still maintained I sent mixed signals and declared himself "moved on" (which he clearly hasn't if he's been avoiding me)

For context, I am an anxious over-explainer who asks a lot of clarifying questions. Jake is someone who assumes and rarely apologizes. This communication mismatch has caused friction before, but we've always gotten past it, usually by me initiating the confrontation or just never bringing it up. This time feels different, probably because the stakes are higher with the wedding coming up, or maybe because I'm finally seeing a pattern I've been ignoring for years.

Our mutual friends all agree Jake is too stubborn to reach out first. Half say wait it out until he replies first, while the other half say just confront him. We share a friend group, including an online gaming space where I've been avoiding joining when he's online because of the awkwardness.

The situation is making me increasingly anxious and depressed. I’ve tried not to enable his manipulative behavior by not reaching out first, but it’s hard not to feel hurt and disappointed that he hasn’t reached out once in over a month. It’s making me question how he views our long friendship. I'm also about to send out wedding invites, and he was supposed to give a speech at our wedding. I'm now feeling unsure about whether to still include him.

My questions:

• Should I reach out, or wait for him to come to me?
• Does this seem like a fixable communication issue or a deeper pattern?
• Would it be unreasonable not to include him in the wedding at this point?

TL;DR: Best friend of 15 years ghosted me for over a month after I set a boundary about a favor. He's been texting my fiancé instead of addressing me, never apologized, declared himself "moved on" yet say I'm in the wrong, and was supposed to speak at my wedding. Should I wait it out or confront him, and should he still be invited?