I’m realizing that I’m probably the one that’s gonna have to initiate the divorce.

My wife (F30) and I (M30) have been separated for almost a year now. Our relationship was a step above rocky at best, and she was the one who initiated the separation. We’ve continued living together because neither of us can afford to be on our own right now.

At this point, it feels like a weird situationship. We carpool, hang out, go out to eat, sleep in the same bed, and are still intimate. Honestly, it feels like we’ve gone backwards into just dating again.

A few weeks after the separation, she started seeing someone else. She talks to him a lot, and has spent time with him on a few occasions. I know, they haven’t slept together, but at this point I’m not even sure that would change how I feel. What’s confusing is that when she’s not talking with him, she still wants affection, attention, and quality time from me, like we’re still a couple.

Since all this started, I’ve been trying to win her back, working on myself and showing her that things could be different and that we could work on our issues m. But her answer has always been the same, she doesn’t know what she wants. She’s torn between moving on and getting divorced or staying and really REALLY try to fix things (therapy, counseling, etc.)

We’re very codependent on one another. We both care about each other deeply, we were each other’s first real relationship, and neither of us has much of a support system outside of each other.

When I’m on my own, I try to accept the reality of a possible divorce, focus on improving myself, and learn how to be alone again. But whenever we spend time together, all of that disappears. And when she notices I’m pulling away or struggling with the situation, she gets sad, which makes me want to comfort her. It just keeps the cycle going.

I feel stuck. We can’t keep living in this limbo, and I’m starting to think the only way forward is for me to initiate the divorce myself. I just don’t know how to bring it up… or if it’s even the right decision.

Although I’m pretty sure I know what the answer is, any advice or perspective would really help.

Sorry if this is all over the place.