It happened and now I feel broken

For context, I struggle with anxiety-triggered gastritis which can sometimes lead to v* in extreme cases. It happened a lot when I was younger then it stopped and came back again. Every time it happens (once a year, once every six months) it hurts not just physically but mentally because of how traumatic it all is.

I didn’t think it would happen again. I thought I was improving. My life completely changed. I made new friends, I moved house, I moved school, everything was better. Yet it still happened. And while I was travelling to visit family nonetheless. Now I feel like all the progress I made is for nothing and my OCD is telling me that if I ever go back to the country I’ve just been to it’ll happen again. I don’t know where to go. I have therapy but I’m scared it’s no longer working since this shouldn’t have happened. And of course, I’m scared it’ll happen again. I’m clinging on to the little things, splitting my year up into pre and post v* which is a toxic habit I always do and invalidating any positive experiences that I had pre v*. I know I’m ranting and I’m sorry but I just feel really broken and desperate.