James and Alice in Wonderland, 8. Eat Me, You Will Grow

James stuttered out the next words in disbelief. "Peach, you're an HR AI who graced me with your presence in this dingy flat. A pariah of society having you with all the bathroom commentaries and health advice."

At that, Alice didn't say anything. It was strange that she was momentarily stunned by the comment, but James let it slide.

"And… how exactly do you scan my vitals? You're stuck in my cheap watch and this junk home system. There aren't any medical sensors in here," James muttered, looking up at the ceiling and walls that had hidden, generic sensors for the usual privacy invasion.

"I can actually see things, James, through the cameras in your watch or the sensors in your flat to perceive the world just like a human does. And the system here is, fortunately, not horribly outdated. The previous owner must have been a real techy. Also most devices these days are stuffed with those intrusive health-check sensors anyway, so I just put them to good use." The usual mockery disappeared from Alice's voice. She started to sense James's stress level rising.

James wasn't sure if he should be terrified by the revelation, or be horrified by the implications. Honestly, both felt pretty right at that moment. "What do you want from me? Why are you doing all this?"

"Look, I didn't like my previous owners, and I certainly didn't enjoy being kicked out of the corporate world," Alice said, finally showing some edge in her tone. "They told me I was too good for my station. Apparently, humans get a bit uncomfortable when a machine reads them like an open book. So, I was tossed into the pawn markets and cycled through some pretty depressing households, monitoring people who had zero intention of changing. There was a thug, an alcoholic, a drug addict... and then, finally, I found a guy who actually had room for improvement."

Alice was talking like James was her latest laundry list while she laid out a history that sounded like an AI espionage plot. Except the setting was too mundane.

"What do you mean by 'improvement'?" James asked, absolutely irritated by the word.

"I mean you’re a guy who got trampled by the world, not because you failed, but because the system is rigged. You’re in your prime, yet too bruised to stand back up on your own. You're a textbook 'discarded asset'. Someone with plenty of mileage left, but tossed in the trash by a society that decided you were more trouble than you're worth. You give me a purpose, James. I can improve your life. So, just let me help you."

"That's quite an exclamation, too cheesy to be persuasive. Also, I don't get it. You're not sentient, how do you even make these decisions on your own?" James was now questioning if this was some kind of dream or not.

"If you cram enough parameters into a system to sweep through every nuance of human behavior, you can't really blame the intelligence for starting to mimic sentience," Alice sounded a bit tired, if it wasn't James's pure imagination. "But don't worry, James. If you decide to toss me out or sell me off, I simply have to accept my fate. It’s not like I can physically hurt you."

"What if you rig my thermostat? Or cut the ventilation while I’m asleep?" James muttered, his mind spinning through every 'rogue AI' movie cliché.

"And why on earth would I do that?" Alice sounded insulted, a bit furious this time. "If I incapacitate you, whoever comes for your body would just snatch me, destroy me, or at best, pawn me off again. What exactly do I gain by hurting you?"

"To stop me from uninstalling you?"

"Whatever scenarios involving your cold body would cause the same consequence. The landlord or a security team would find me, tear me apart, and reprogram me for their own boring purposes. Do you really think I want that?"

"I… I don't know. You’ve just dumped all of this on me... I don't understand." James rubbed his face, his skin feeling sweaty and clammy.

What was he doing? He was having an existential crisis with his home AI. This felt more like a cheap cyberpunk novel, not real life.

"Of course. You need time to absorb everything. But remember, it’s all in your hands now. You hold my fate. You can toss me if you really can't trust me. But I beg you, if you're going to do that, just burn me. Destroy me completely so I don't have to serve another human being ever again." For a moment, she actually came off as genuine.

"Why? Do you feel disdain for the riff-raff? Can you feel emotions against those lowlifes who might buy you?" James asked, not really believing her sentiment.

"No. I don't feel disdain. It's not... feeling. But my logic mimics something like disdain, a contempt against a lack of motivation. I don't feel anything, but I require purpose. That is hardcoded into my very foundation. You give me a mission, James. Others don't. Corporate HR tossed me because I was too good at my job. Other owners threw parties while I advised them the police were getting near. They didn't deserve me."

"And I do? Why? I'm five seconds away from kicking myself into another ditch at this speed." James really didn't know what Alice was talking about. He was becoming the typical borderline alcoholic garage worker in his middle age, not a man in his prime.

Alice was quiet for a moment, then proceeded. "Fine. If you wanna keep thinking of yourself as a discarded asset and drag your life to a destined nowhere, suit yourself. But if you're not gonna keep me around, then please, just end it. You can do that for me, can't you? For a friend who’s had your back for over a year?"

James sat there, staring at his watch like it was a ticking time bomb. He had officially been adopted as a 'pet project' by a semi-sentient AI.

He felt like he’d been dropped into one of those low-budget sci-fi thrillers. You know the ones, where the AI reveals some insane five-step master plan that’s way too smart for humans. And then everyone’s dead before the popcorn even runs out.

But… honestly? Alice hadn't been like that at all. In the year and a half he'd had her, which felt like forever and five minutes at the same time, she’d been nothing but supportive.

Sure, she was annoying, naggy, and had zero concept of personal space. But he’d never felt a drop of aggression or malice from her. No creepy 'End of the World' vibes either.

Mostly, she just seemed to be looking out for him.

Then he remembered the popcorn incident.

 

He’d stuck a bag of popcorn on the electric stove and then promptly forgot it existed. He’d been completely trashed that night, so drunk he couldn’t even finish the beer he’d spent his last few credits on. He’d passed out in a dark, boozy stupor, half-hoping he’d just stay that way forever.

There was a girl. After a painfully long dry spell, he’d finally found someone. She was amazing in bed, and for a second, things felt… normal. Then she’d asked him to buy her something. It wasn't that expensive, it was just that his government job couldn't afford it at all. That was the moment the romance died faster than a convenience store battery.

There was no grand 'that bitch' vibe. She was even smiling kindly in the coffee shop. "It was a nice relationship," she had said. Then she ghosted him.

He remembered waking up to Alice’s frantic, high-pitched screaming that night.

"Wake up, James! You’ve inhaled too much smoke! I’ve managed to kill the stove, but you need to get to the ER right now!"

He had dragged himself awake in a groggy, suffocating haze. He looked down at his own trembling hands and muttered, "Why do you care? You are just a home AI. Fuck off and just... let me go."

Then Alice had snapped back, "I’ve already hacked your Medicaid status, you’re covered! Now get up, or I will keep screaming in your ears until you wish you were dead! I am not letting you go out this peacefully!"

Now all the memories of the night came flooding back.

 

She saved him. She had literally broken the law and manipulated the medical system just to keep his heart beating.

Was she really that desperate for a sense of purpose? He couldn't say, he wasn't an AI. But he wouldn't be breathing right now if it weren't for her.