I shoved my mother while we were having an argument

Hi, first time posting here just trying to do what I can to get this off my mind. I'm 27/M, was about 24 when this took place. So about 3 years ago I was deep in the thralls of alcoholism and living with my parents. It was morning and I was still drunk and drinking from the night before. For some reason I can't remember I was very upset with my mother and texting her mean things, awful I know but it's not what really bothers me about this day. She came to my room to confront me and saw that I was drinking their wine. My mom was furious and went out to the garage with the wine to tell my dad. I went out there too, and they started yelling at me. My mom was saying all kinds of things that were really hurtful and it made me even angrier, and at that point I snapped. I walked over to my mom and shoved her with I think the intent to grab the wine behind her. But after I shoved her my dad put me in a chokehold on the ground and that was the end.

This is really hard to come to terms with. In fact, I only accepted that I actually shoved my mother a few weeks ago. In my mind I became convinced that all I did was try to grab the wine and suppressed the truth. It seems so awful to became physically aggressive with your mother, especially being a man. My mom and dad forgive me and we're on good terms now but I can't forgive myself. I don't know if I would forgive someone else who did what I did so I don't know how to forgive myself. This is stealing all the joy from my life and I don't feel like I deserve happiness anymore. Is there any way for me to live with this and accept it? Or am I doomed to hate myself and I deserve it? Thanks for reading.