Venting/looking for support…idk

I (32F) recently found out that I am unexpectedly pregnant due to a medication-related birth control failure. As of today I am 6 weeks pregnant. My husband (26M) and I have decided to terminate as we cannot properly support this child in our current circumstances. Our apartment is too small, our income isn’t adequate, my husband’s immigration status is pending and preventing him from getting a better job, and my son (4, from a previous marriage) is just now becoming conscious of the fact that his parents aren’t together and it’s impacting him more than expected despite the fact that his father and I have a healthy co-parenting relationship. Bringing this child into the world now would burden everybody around me. My husband, who is already so stressed about finances and “husband stuff” without factoring in a pregnancy… my mom, who just turned 70 and is my only option for childcare… my son, who needs more attention and emotional support right now- not less… and me, who is overwhelmed and dealing with mental health battles just from the pressures of my career and current parenting duties. I’ve weighed all the options, and there is no way to keep this child without damning them- and those of us already here- to a life of struggle. And I’m sorry (I really am), but I’ve already made vows of protection and care to my son and my husband. I will honor those first. And protecting my family at this time means termination of this pregnancy.

As it goes, I live in a state where termination by choice is illegal. I have ordered my at-home medication from Aid Access. I have the medication already and my husband has planned a small getaway for us. He booked an Airbnb where we can go, I can take the medication, and we can process the loss together. Separating the negative experience from our home, we hope.

I haven’t been able to talk about this with anybody. My best friend has been dealing with infertility for two years and the news of my accidental pregnancy… followed by news of my decision to abort would likely take a huge toll on her (and possibly our friendship) that I don’t want to happen. But I am struggling because I feel so. damn. alone. The weight of the guilt and the shame are getting to me. My husband, as sweet and supportive as he is, is not a woman being faced with the choice of aborting the child inside of her; and that disconnect makes feeling fully supported by just my husband alone impossible. So I’m reaching out… any words to bring me out of feeling so isolated would really be appreciated. I’m struggling.