I just need to vent my feelings on the decision of 1 or 2

Hi, I'm a 32 year old single mom with a 5 year old. Prior to divorcing, I was eager to have another child eventually. My ex-husband turned out to be abusive and simply walked out of our lives. This was a long term relationship and he begged me to have a child, only to use it against me. There were certainly red flags that I overlooked, like anger problems.

Some years have passed and I've been finishing up school to take care of my child. She was a very hard toddler, and is emotional and sensitive, just like me. I was diagnosed with PTSD several years ago. It's less intense & the residual issues I have are noise sensitivity and some dissociation. I'm also sensitive to lack of sleep. I don't experience the trauma reaction as debilitating because I can ground myself & maintain perspective. Long term loss of control is hard for me to experience. So for example if I had a heavily medically complex child, I don't think I would do well with that.

I'm barely getting back into dating and many men my age are eager to enter serious relationships. Some of them know they want kids, some aren't sure. The reason I had my child was to have a family, which has since dissolved. Of course I love her so much, even as hard as it is, and even with our family not looking how we imagined, I'm glad about it.

But I'm absolutely scared about a few things. I'm scared to fall in love with a man who acts sweet and supportive, only to have the rug pulled out from under me again when I'm pregnant. I'm scared that he may be unkind to any of the children, or show preferential treatment, which I know is not uncommon in families. I'm scared to be pressured into a 3rd pregnancy when my personal limit would feel safer stopping at 2 children. And I'm also of course scared of the child or myself developing a serious health condition. Personally I would love to have a family again, but when you've experienced a partner being cruel to you/your child, it's just a nightmare. I also don't want to be the only one doing domestic tasks as I believe in teamwork.

Any advice for this beyond therapy? I did therapy for PTSD & found it unhelpful. I do my own somatic, mindfulness, & cbt exercises and that helps. My daughter's a very happy child & already experienced this trauma, I just don't want to stack more on her plate. I feel I'm the only one who can protect her from the possible negatives of this decision.