Im ttc but my family is done with children

idk if this is the right place to post but here it goes

So me(f31) and my bf(m34)have been together for almost 15 years (15 on the 15th🩶). We finally got a house about 2.5 years ago and I told him that we could start trying soon after I get my iud out. That was over a year ago.

Now im the youngest, i have 2 older sisters. one is 11 years older than me and the other is 4 years older. the oldest has 2 boys who we adore but have been a challengeto say the least. That sister is divorced and is picking herself up and trying to handle her kids the best way she can and my middle sister is very strong on never ever ever wanting kids. We talk alot about relatable things being an aunt and not having them 24/7 and stuff and sometimes she talks about intense scary what if scenarios with kids like - if you have 1 kids thats a picky eater and is a bit underweight while the other one eats better and is at a normal weight their doctor could be concerned and call cps bc maybe your favoring one. Again, i know thats crazy but she always wants me to think about those things bc it does happen i guess. Now that scenario wasnt for me i think it just got brought up. i bought a house before her and i didnt tell her we were looking until we bought one and she wanted me to second guess everything. like how prepared i was financially if say the furnace goes out weeks later and that she doubt i have an extra 4 or 5k to replace it. i didnt but i know we'd figure it out. So yeah shit like that. So back to the trying for a baby thing. Last year I was scheduled to get my iud out and 2 days before I went out to eat my the middle sister and the topic came up that her friend was trying. She was grossed out by it bc , eww children, but still yay for her friend. I brought it up that me and bf are wanting to try soon too. I think her face went gray she said "What! what do you mean? do you understand your one start of your car away from it breaking down( my car had a check engine light that I did get fixed but I couldn't tell ya what the problem was it still drove fine) how do you pay for that and a baby?! she just really killed my little joy i was feeling. 2 days later I got my iud out and went out to eat with my sisters, my mom and nephews for the oldest ones bday. nephew was in a bit of a mood and my middle sister talked to him about how he should be grateful bc we treat him with nice gifts and taking him out and he should be happy he doesn't have cousins bc then his bday and Christmas budget wouldnt be as big. so that kinda hurt. so fast forward, still no pregnancy and a couple weeks ago im at my sister's house and the topic comes up on her birth control and how her bf getting a vasectomy and how nice and kind he is for doing that so she doesn't have to deal with her birth control (which is awesome) and she told me her and mom talked about it and that shes loves that for her and that shes done with grandkids and doesn't want anymore. That was a gut punch. idk why it wasn't discussed with me or why they have assumed I dont want any when I've mentioned to my mom in the past that I want to be a parent. She rambled on about fuck children and the world we live in is to chaotic for them yata yata...so where are you on all of this you dont want kids right? I told my sister again that im off birth control and am trying(technically told her were on a break from it bc bf is unemployed atm) and she was shocked and clearly upset and said ok ill support you on your choice but *sigh* and shaking her head. i cried so hard when I got home and I didn't want to talk to my bf about it because he would just be mad and just not has helpful with it. hes not so great with words either. Growing up my oldest sister was always looked at as someone great with kids, you could just look at her with kids as a kid herself and think "she'll be a great mom". and shes a teacher too so a bonus. I've liked kids alot but I dont have that teaching ability like her. I've worked in a nursery with her and loved it. I've babysat for neighbors too growing up.

me and my sisters went out for drinks last weekend and those topics came back up and it's like my middle sisters last conversation on it went out the windows. They went out about why anyone would want kids and the oldest wouldn't do it again with how expensive everything is and being single and I just stayed quiet until I told her I was off birth control and she said my bf better get a great job bc this is $$ and this is $$$. Like I dont know. They just look at me like im making a huge mistake. And again got home and broke down. idk what to do. I truly truly want this and my bf does too and his family is great and knows and is ready. Im so terrified to get pregnant and tell them. I cry alot knowing it's not gonna be some happy announcement. Just a "what have you done?!" moment. I mean I know im not making my mom a grandmother but I still wish some excitement would come out of this. I know i should really talk to them but they just want to talk me out of it bc it's not what they want.