Completely lost.

I’m absolutely desperate. I’ve active duty army for 15 years and am currently in the process of medically retiring. This might be a bit long and a bit of a rant as I’m drunk and just so desperate. I’ve been married for 14 years, wife has chronic health issues for years. We’ve had severe marital issues for years. Honestly the only reason we haven’t divorced is so she can have health insurance and with the state of the country right now? insurance for life is what’s keeping us from pulling the trigger.

This relationship is mutually abusive. I know I’m not perfect and am not claiming that I have no wrongdoing in this but I just don’t know where to go from here. My command has been involved, family advocacy, I have no friends, can’t rely on my parents..I’m just sick and tired of living everyday so stressed on top of trying to figure out what I’m going to do after I retire…

I feel trapped.. I I’m just so desperate for an answer that I’ve never been able to come close to.. I can’t take this. I don’t even know what I’m looking for here. Maybe just a last ditch effort of a reason to keep going.