My (26M) boyfriend (25M) and I almost had a foursome with a couple (31M and 33M)—they’ve been our friends for years. How do I go about a conversation with my friend?

TLDR: My (26M) and my boyfriend (25M) have couple friends (31M and 33M). Always felt sexual tension. Recently, it felt like we almost slept together but didn’t. Seeking clarity….

I (26M) made a friend, James (31M), about four years ago when I was working my first job. We had great chemistry as friends, but there was definitely a flirtatious undertone.

I have a boyfriend (25M)—been together for five years—and James has a husband, Rex (33M).

We all hung out multiple times over the years, and my boyfriend and I always agreed there was a sexual tension in the air during those times, but nothing sexual happened.

James confided in me that he and Rex were shopping for “thirds” to “date” as a couple when we first met, so obviously it kind of solidified some of what my boyfriend and I were noticing about the tension with them. That said, none of this was discussed.

Fast forward to this past summer and my boyfriend and I opened the relationship after we moved to a new city, except we only sleep outside the relationship and it’s just sex. I told James this and he was intrigued.

I saw James and Rex around NYE and it didn’t really come up—me and my boyfriend being open—though they did bring me out to and pay for dinner, but later I got us a round of drinks.

Fast forward again: James and Rex visited my boyfriend and I for the weekend. Night 1: out at a bar and there were lots of lingering touches and prolonged eye contact, mainly with me. Then I notice the next day that James is making a more concerted effort with my boyfriend—James and I have been friends and the four of us come together based around our friendship. This wasn’t an issue, just something I noticed.

That evening, we’d been drinking and gotten high, and we were in our apartment and out of the blue James asks if we’re still open. I respond awkwardly because I was high and still eating and suddenly had the “oh shit this might actually be about to happen” alarm go off. I said we were but kind of moved on. My boyfriend did the same. I felt awkward about it and asked my boyfriend later if it was awkward. He said he didn’t think so.

The next evening we were at a bar (drunk and high again), and they bring it up and say they hope it wasn’t awkward to ask (knew it). I said ofc not and that I was just high and probably didn’t express myself well. They also spoke to my boyfriend about it. They asked questions about our rules, how we go about it, etc.

That night, we go back to our apartment and have a lovely time playing games and laughing and as the night was wrapping up, it felt like we were all around the table, lingering, in this sort of paused “will they, won’t they” thing. They ended up going to bed, and my boyfriend told me after he heard James said something like, “Well, ok…”

They left the next day, and I have to say we had a GREAT trip with them. But after they left I started to feel anxious. My boyfriend and I have been talking for years about potentially booking up with them, and I’ve said I would be open to it…but now I’m feeling unsure of myself because I’ve never done that with a friend.

I also feel like James and Rex were beating around asking us THAT question (would we want to sleep with them) by asking if we were still open.

I want to have a conversation, but I don’t know how to go about it. I want to know if that’s what they wanted. I want to know that they don’t feel awkward about anything, and if they do, I want to reassure them. I want reassurance that our friendship wouldn’t change if we were to have sex, because my relationship with James is much more

important to me than sex (though a part of me will likely always wonder “what if”).

Any advice would be greatly appreciated…