r/AITAH•
DidiDitto

AITAH for asking my distressed gf to leave in the middle of the night after comforting her?

So, my gf (28) and I (M33) have been living together foe 2.5 years. Anyway, she is a light sleeper and has a trouble falling asleep. I on the other hand am a heavy sleeper and I really value my sleep. That's why we sleep sepadately because I get a great quality sleep when she is not with me. She sleeps in the bedroom and I like to sleep on the couch.

Anyway; this night she starts running to me at 2am, she woke me up instantly. She was panicking and shaking in terror, crying. She was absolutely scared, gasping for air and shaking. I aksed her whats wrong. She said she just abruptly woke up screaming and gasping for air like never in her life, she just jumped out of bed and could not stop screeming in terror and fright, suffocating.

Of course, I invited her on the couch to lie down next to me. I hugged her and spooned her, not much talking. But after a while (like 30 minutes) her body heat started to bug me so I asked her to move to the other side of the couch. She seemed pissed and offended by that, but after I tossed and turned she reluctantly relocated to the other part of the couch (its L shapex). I just asked her to move cuz I could not sleep beside her.

But then, again after a while I was just tossing and turning. Because sge woke me up with her terror and broke up my sleep and I just couldn't fall back asleep. At this point she was on the other side of the cpuch trying to fall back asleep but I gently nudged her and told her to leave the room and go back to bedroom becaise I can't sleep and I will read a book instead.

I got out of the cpuch and turned on the lamp (it's almpst 3am by now). When I did this she was so upset and just stormed to the bedroom calling me an asshole. I came to the bedroom to ask her what's the matter? She said sth like: "I've never been so scared in my life, I don't know what happened to me, I was absolutely terrorized and scared for my life, I was suffocating and I neesed comfort and human contact i need safety now and grounding from you.. And you couldn't stop thinking about yourself even when I needed to be prioritized". I don't get it, should I totally forget about myself and my needs, my need for good sleep? She came dostressed, I comforted her by spooning for about 30 minutes and then her presence was disrupting my sleep so I asked her to leave. What's the problem? Do I dont deserve my sleep just cuz she is in pain and trouble?.- I told her that and she actually said "if your loved one is distressed and needs help, then yes, sometimes you engage in emapthy and don't put yourself 1st in that situation".

Anyways she is now really angry and dissapointed in me. I am in the living room, reading and she is in the bedroom. Trying to fall asleep I guess.

TLDR; I sleep separately from my girlfriend because I value my sleep. One night she woke up in extreme panic and came to me terrified. I comforted her for about 30 minutes, but then asked her to move and go back to bed because I couldn’t sleep.

She got upset and said I was selfish for not prioritizing her when she was scared. I feel like I did enough and shouldn’t have to sacrifice my sleep.

Posted Apr 8, 2026, 2:44 AM UTC

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