i’m scared to get help

i’m on the verge of going. i’m just fighting with myself now. i’m scared to get help. i don’t know what to do. i don’t know if anyone cares anymore. i don’t think they do. i don’t feel real. nothing feels real. i had a good day. i don’t know why this is happening to me. i tried so hard. i’m scared of the hospital. i’m scared of losing my job. i’m scared of dying. what do i do anymore.