Multitalented

Feb 12| 2023

In all my life, my lifetimes, my seasons, my masks, I stand in awe of the very fortitude that is me. I am a master of brilliance and shame; I juggle my successes as pins of anguish berate my face. I exist perpetually in the duality of me.

I have never known a being more capable of overt growth with such aptitude to utterly destroy themselves subliminally. How is it that I can break ceilings, crush goals, beat this system of oppression over and over, yet manage my own demise so thoroughly?

How *did* I propose and close a volume of exponential reward within the same sweep of this self destructive sword of loneliness? I did it. I did it all so well. My success on both fronts so precise, so targeted, so very polar in their rewards.

I gain success outwardly while I ruin myself inwardly. And I can’t help but marvel at my giftings, my ability, to love myself and hate myself within the same breath.

This is the masochist’s dance.