She choose the streets over me

After being friends, if not best friends, for the better part of a decade. With ups and downs and ons and offs, at the tail end of 2024 we dated. I fell in love, I believe she did too. But she always had this side of never having enough. She wanted to do onlyfans, fine. She wanted to be "poly," fine (it was just open, there was no amory, she just used it as a hall pass to cheat.) We broke up, thank god, but my love for her never faded despite how much I wanted it to. Acting like we could stay just friends, still have sex, still makeout and spend days in a row together, just everything except having a label on us. Well I kept finding out about her fucking around with other people and it kept bugging me.

Her grandpa died and I was her shoulder to cry on through all that. Always there for her as I have always been. Come the next weekend she hooks up with a Hinge match who was cheating on their SO and straight up opened with "my boyfriend's out of town, let's fuck." And she put that ugly motherfucker over me wanting to see her that day. I read their texts and she was so easy, I thought there was at least some kind of friendship there, nope, just cheaters hooking up with each other cause she had a free house for the day.

She still got me to fuck her the very next day and it was so awful, everything culminated in my head during that, she came twice and I got absolutely nothing out of it (typical.) I wrote her a 5 page note, basically 4 pages of airing out years of grievances and telling her it's us getting back together, and going to be just me, or I'm going ghost. I guess I expected a text or a call telling me she loves me too and does actually want me enough to commit to (cause she's said all that so many times since we broke up, so many times how much she regretted it with me reminding her we "just didn't work.")

Well, 2 days later and nothing. I genuinely can't believe it. It's for the best for me but wow, she would really rather have the door open for casual sex with anyone who'll hit than be dedicated to the person who's been there for her for 10+ years and shares every interest in common. Guess I just commit to gassing myself up that I'm smart, funny, kind and beautiful and that this is her mistake to make. Unfortunately I just know she won't even learn from it, and paint me as the bad guy in her head as always, that I'm "not accepting she just genuinely is poly and can't do that" or something. Unbelievable. I wish I was surprised.