Nearly 50 years now with an in/out condition

I'm 69. This condition came on in the 2nd year of college (1976), and 20. I think a combination from excessive use of marijuanna combined with anxiety and a very sensitive nature. The 1st year was horrible, but somehow I managed to stay in college. My SPSR would come and go, so I had enough clear periods. But anxiety could trigger it. I had stopped all substances but it persisted. I felt suicidal then. Keep in mind in thoise days there was no internet and no medical help for this.

The next summer I visited a freind who took TM (meditation). I latched onto it right away. It did help, partly the practice, but partly the hope. But I kept going in and out of these states, but seemed to manage better.

Upon graduation I did an internship and decided to do the advanced course with TM (The Sidhi course - supernatural stuff). Frankly, it blew my circuits out. I was extreamly lost in DPDR to the point my employer asked me to leave (but not before a full medical exam that found nothing).

I was lost, still meditating TM, but messed up. Meditation was probably good (reducing anxiety and finding inner calm), but the advanced stuff seemed to blow open my chakras. My body would twitch and shake on it's own. Extreame spaciness. Later that year I found a medical center as part of a Yoga ashram. I did a 2 week wholistic medical therapy, followed by living in the community for a month or so. Finally I got some tools that were useful. I no longer did TM, but Yoga type practices including a new form of meditation.

In the next few years I did lots of personal therapy and spiritual trainings of various sorts. I started to heal more and process old stuff. The DPDR still came and went, but I had more of a core I could be with, rather than having it whip me around. I was able to start my engineering career finally and it went ok.

A few years later I got married and some years later a child. Through the last 40+ years I've been (mostly) ok, but it still comes and goes. And I still practice Yoga and meditate daily, and have included Buddhism and other related spirituality. It all helps. Recently I've had a stretch of feeling very out of it. I'm retired now so I don't have to push thorugh it to perform. But I do worry a bit about how this will play out in older age? I am yet healthy but wonder just if and how I might care for myself if this persists or worsens and my health is bad, or this turns into dimentia. I do have a wife, daughter and grand daughter to get support. We all meet our end at some point. We wish for a gentle ending, but nobody really knows. My spirituality really helps put this into perspective and be able to accept conditions as they are and know a deepr part of myself. PS - I did some pslicybin recently (I was nervous), but had beautiful experiences. There is a better world waiting for us when we drop this weary body and brain.