I am just like my mother and she despises it.

I cannot stand living with this woman anymore, but I can’t leave either. I’m 18F and still live at home since I’m doing community college and don’t make nearly enough from my part time job to support myself.

My mother and I have a weird relationship, it’s very on and off. Growing up, I didn’t really like my mom. My

parents hated each other and were cheating on one another (I believe my mom cheated first or they both did at the same time) but she brought her lover around often. She was always at work, my dad at home and he did influence me a lot. The guy she was seeing was her boss, who’s 20 years older than her. So imagine, me in second grade being forced to hang out with my mom and some old creep. My dad would tell me that she’s a gold digger, and for a while I believed him. I don’t anymore since she’s still “seeing” the guy and I can tell their relationship is a lot more complex and fucked up than just having a “sugar daddy” or something along those lines.

Anyways, because of her boss’ money, he gave us a lot. Started paying for our things, for us to go on nice vacations, and once I got older and my parents legally divorced, he bought us our house that he rents to us, pays for my gas and even offered to cover a year of my tuition. I am very grateful to him but I can’t seem to stop hating him. Deep down I resent him a lot and I kind of have to put up with it, and who wouldn’t accept those gifts? It’s not like I treat him poorly in return or anything. I will say, these gifts and all the ways I’m spoiled are always used against me.

Whenever my mom and I argue (which is often), she calls me an “ungrateful bitch” who doesn’t deserve anything. She says that I’m a “user” and that I just take and take. She brings up how she gave me a car, and offered to also pay for a year of my tuition. Mind you, I never asked for any of that. I never once cared for a car, nor expected it. My mom gave me the old family car on my 16th birthday and I’m nothing but grateful for it and use it to help her a lot actually, but I didn’t ask for it? Same with my tuition. I was going to just figure it out, she told me over and over again that she would love to help me out and pay for some of my school, why the hell would I say no? But I definitely didn’t ask for it.

Then another thing, my weight. I’ve always been a little chubby with a sweet tooth growing up. My mom was always pretty fat. My dad used to call her names because of it and it really has impacted her in the worst way. She always told me how terrible it made her feel. Recently, I’ve gained a lot more weight. I’m stressed, busy, and just got over my first ever relationship. But it’s not to the point where I’m obese or immobile. I still wear a woman’s size medium/large and I am fully aware of how I look and eat and have been making small and healthy lifestyle changes here and there. She has treated me so poorly about it.

On multiple occasions she’s called me fat. Told me I needed to lose weight, patted my belly, and overall just made me feel horrible about how I look. Every single time I talk to her, the conversation CAN’T be normal. If I start talking about school, work, friends, etc. It quite literally ALWAYS turns into a lecture about health, cutting out sugar, etc. Mind you, she is still FAT and not much different than me! I agree that if you notice someone gaining lots of weight quickly that you should check in on them and help them, but I have told her on multiple occasions that’s I’m aware of what I’m doing and how I look, and I know what I have to do to change it, but I’m stressed and I’m not making that change so I’ve asked for her to just drop it.

We had a blow up two day fight a few months ago about this that truly drove me over the edge. I hated myself, I wouldn’t speak or eat. She ended up crying and apologizing to me for the first time ever. I thought that after she promised to drop it, that she would. But she’s done quite the opposite.

She came home today, in a good mood as was I. I started telling her about it something fun I did in class and she didn’t really react, but then immediately started lecturing me about eating no sugar, and blah blah blah (I was in the middle of eating fruit as she was saying that so not sure where it came from) and she even prefaced it by saying that she knew I didn’t want to hear about it. Well if you know I don’t, then why say it?

She kept going and I was getting frustrated and told her to just drop it, and of course she blew up on me. She started yelling at the top of her lungs. I told her to stop because it’s 9 pm and we share a wall with other people. She said she didn’t give a fuck and wanted me out and far away from her. She called me a stupid bitch, and far worse. I in return started explaining to her what was frustrating and she wouldn’t let me say a word, so of course I raised my voice, and then I got yelled at because I was being too loud and that we had neighbors. Sorry???? You were JUST yelling. And everytime I try to bring up anything she’s doing wrong, she refuses to let me say it.

I’m just so done. What does she want from me. Why can’t she just leave me be. It’s either let her pay for my life and I submit to her or be free and go be homeless. Like?