I know I’ll be leaving soon

Both my parents are tired of me, they’ve forgotten all about my depression and now treat me like I’m a 30 year old person who doesn’t want to go to work. I am much younger than that, and I’ve been suffering from depression since 2022. My life is unbearable. I can’t say anything because I don’t want to talk about how tired I am. I want to be free, even if it means going into a new place blind. I can’t stop cutting myself, I’ve been thinking of cutting my neck, I want to slice a vein open and watch the blood pour out. I’m sick of everyone not taking me seriously. I’m sick of my parents treating me like a normal kid. I can’t stop thinking about how much I want to choose suicide. I only have one reason to live. I don’t care about what anyone feels, because no one cares about what I feel. I’ve already been taken advantage of four times. I’d fallen in love with a boy who seemed sweet and caring. After a few weeks of friendship, he started biting me, choking me, insulting me for who I was and for my pain. He bit a chunk of my shoulder’s skin off and I still have the mark. During recess, we’d hang out in the classroom, alone, and he’d choke me, hit me, threaten me, insult me. He knew I was in love with him and he took advantage of my vulnerability. I couldn’t control it, so I started to like it. I’d get mad whenever my friends talked to him. After months, he never talked to me again. I know it was for the best, but I never got to talk to him without getting insulted and manipulated. He motivated me to cut myself and made fun of my scars. I relapsed for him. My year was ruined because a disgusting piece of shit wanted some pleasure. I was in love with him and I enjoyed getting abused and touched without my consent by the guy I was in love with. I still want him to touch me, and I don’t know why. I’d developed an obsession with him before and now it’s coming back. I hate the fact that I can’t be normal, I can’t stop thinking about being assaulted in the most disgusting ways possible just for some touch. I am a repulsive hypersexual person who can’t see love without sex ever since I was 6 because a woman wanted to touch me while I showered, a boy wanted someone to hit, an 18 year old girl wanted a younger person to control and a 17 year old boy wanted to help the last girl with her plan after discovering I was in love with him.