i think that maybe my mum sa me without her wanting to do it

I dont feel comfortable writing this in my first lenguage. sorry for the misspelled words.

tw: mother/daughter sexual abuse, self harming.

so, maybe this isn't normal to hear because some people thinks that this type of relationships/actions are normal between mother and daughters, but i just watched a tiktok talking about this and started trembling and wanting to throw up, so i guess that what I'm going to tell isn't that normal at all.

Since i was little, my mum sometimes went to shower with me and watch me naked. But this is one specific time when she got really mad at me because i didn't shaved my parts correctly when me and my family went to a beach, and she went when i was showering and just entered at the shower and started to shaving my private parts when i cried a lot and told her to stop. I dont remember others instances really clearly right now, but i remember that specific day and it makes me shiver. She always watches attentively my lower parts. I feel kinda disgusted everytime but i never heard that wasn't normal.

these instances of shaving me were when i was a preteen, and trying to get to the bathroom when i was getting naked to see if i wasn't selfharming stopped now that I'm 18. But i feel so disgusted for some reason.

Is it less bad if i said that i know that she makes it not for a sexual reason and only for taking care of me and my image? this horrible feeling will pass some day? this hurt? i feel so so lost right now. i can't believe that a fucking tiktok ruined my tuesday night and my vision of my mom. This is dumb? is this abuse? Sorry. Im so sorry. Im maybe acussing my mom of something horrible. But she's my best friend some days and other days i feel like she resents me or wants to be me. It's so hard being a daughter.