Perspective: My Life is a Series of Unfortunate Events

I have been playing the game of life on nightmare difficulty ever since I was born. I am a 5’5” Asian male in majority white country. The only good thing about me is the fact I am not balding. Other than that I am a genetic failure in every way. My teeth are fucked up, I have girl’s jawline, acne, big big eyes, skinny fat, patchy ass facial hair, huge pig nose, the frame of a middle school girl, and sadly the Asian 🍤 stereotype is true with me. I barely feel like I’m human.

High school was hell but college really wasn’t that much better. Sure there were no bullies, but I made no friends either. I graduated a KHHV. I tried going to bars to meet women, but that made me feel even worse. Women I want even attracted to rejected me in the harshest and most brutal of ways.

I am ashamed to admit this, but there was a time I “cucked maxxxed” in order to get some female validation. Basically I started gambling a lot and it became my only social outlet. There is this women that’s always there and we eventually started talking. We started playing blackjack together and sometime when she would I bust I would buy her back in so we could keep talking….in hindsight this was a huge mistake….wasted at least a grand by doing this…but after 3 months I had the courage to ask her out and she said yes!

In hindsight this was an absolute distaster. She was into heroin and was a complete train wreck . Very bad mood swings and the only public activity she wanted to do was go to the casino and play blackjack. Eventually I called her out and said I don’t feel comfortable being your atm and she kissed me. It was so unexpected and felt so good that I actually came in my pants and was utterly humiliated when she noticed.

She was clearly surprised and that to us talking about sexual history (well hers since I had none). Embarrassingly I got very surrounded hearing about sexual past and imagining what sex would like after kiss and listening to her describe it. This went on for a couple weeks and eventually I asked if we could do it, and she made me take her to the casino first. We went, we lost, I urged her to go home but she wanted to stay. It wasn’t until I promised that if we had sex that night that I would take her the rest of the of weekend that she agreed (another bad sign).

Honestly the sex was bad that I would still consider myself a virgin. She’s a bigger gal (her stomach looks like 3 loaves of bread smushed together when lying down) and I’m only 3” when hard so I couldn’t really get inside her. She’s also darker skinned so when we dimmed the lights it made it harder for me to see her. At one I thought we were having sex but she said “stop with the foreplay and put it in”…turns out I was making love to one of her fat folds. Honestly to this day I’m not sure if I ever really had sex with her or just grinder my noodle on her thigh.

She was clearly frustrated by all this and said that we could keep going out (I.e. I could keep taking her to the casino) but sex was not working and she wanted to have an open relationship. She reassured me that I could sleep with other women too (I’m a dumbass I know) and because I didn’t want to lose her I agreed.

Long story short downloads tinder and starts getting a ton of matches. She starts telling me about her sexual adventures and get turned on thinking about what it would be like to fulfill a woman that way. I ask her to give sex with me another try and she says no. I tell her that I’m not getting my needs fulfilled so she offers to send me nudes and videos and I agree. Like I a dumbass these the ones she sends to her tinder hookups. I ashamed to admit this but it got me really turned on. I started watching cuckold porn and got very into it. It’s the only porn I watch these days.

I tell her about this and ask her if I could watch her have sex with a tinder hookup and she agrees if I promise not to bring up having sec with her again and I agree. So we set it up and one night this guy walks in, not hand some sub5 face and bald but a 6’3” white dude. They start having sex and his dick is huge. They way she moaned while they had sex left with such angst. On the one hand it was super hot to see how women react and enjoy sex with a man they’re actually attracted to…but it hurt knowing that I would never make a women feel this way.

Eventually this became the only sexual gratification I received. This went on for a few months until, her talking on the phone to tinder date about me. She called me an ugly loser and the worst lay of her life and I was ready to break down and cry. I wish I could say that I left her, but I just tried to win her over (big mistake). Things eventually ended when her tinder date was no longer comfortable with our dynamic and forced her to end things.

So here I am. A broken husk of a man, with no gf, still a virgin, with a sicko porn addiction and lost over 5k in gambling. I have banned myself from the casino and have never been back….but my porn addiction is real and I can’t stop. I jerk off 2-3 times per day and it’s always the same hotwife/cuck content.

#tl;dr: Simping does not work