In this guide I will: tell you how to get a fake email job and barely work in your 20's

Your next job should be a sales development role at a tech company. These are most of the "fake email jobs" you hear about.

Bear in mind that everyone who works these jobs is also a Lazy Fuck, so if you start trying, you will get raises and promotions. But I will write these instructions under the assumption that you will never do that.

This is also for Young Bloods, if you're over 35 and you're a NEET there's no use pretending you'd take any of my advice anyway.

How do I find one of these jobs?

Depends on exactly how you want to play this. The smaller companies, 10-50 people, will be easier to get hired at, but harder to hide at. The larger companies will be harder to get hired at, but way easier to hide at. I would shoot for a larger company for your first rodeo, and when you get fired - yes, you will likely get fired - then switch to a smaller company. The most important thing is to find a ***FULLY REMOTE*** role. The more frequently you have to go into an office the sooner you will get fired.

How do I apply for one of these jobs?

The first and hardest hurdle is getting 500+ connections on linkedin. It sounds difficult, but just search "SDR" on linkedin and hit connect on people over a few weeks until you get your number ups. All other SDRs also understand how important connection numbers are, so they will accept your requests. Will probably take you 3-4 weeks of sending all your connection requests out to get your numbers up. Once you have 500+ mark your raw connections number as private on your profile and you're good.

NOTE: If you don't have a college degree, I'm sure you can fake that, too, but I can't speak from experience. I can tell you I've never been asked about my degree except on background checks, and I would assume there's a way to fake that if you look into it. My hunch would be defunct universities or international universities, but I'm not sure.

You can find a sample resume online, so I'll skip that part. I would choose three series A or series B startups to put on your resume, and the first two should be companies that got acquired - more on this later. Your most recent company is the hardest to bullshit, but choose a series B company with a large SDR team. You can use AI to find all this info for you.

When you see the job description, feed it and your sample resume into ChatGPT and have it cater your sample resume to the job description. I would recommend using a Canva free resume format to stand out, but that's extra work.

***Very Important*** look at the tools the company you're applying for has listed in the job description. Put those tools under the two oldest companies on your resume, and then tell ChatGPT to put comparable tools under your most recent role. This comes up later as well. You will have to spend a few hours sending that resume out. I would send it to 50+ companies. If you have followed my instructions so far, you will absolutely get interviews.

How do I fake it through the interview process?

Confidence is key. Remember that you are trying to trick them, but there are literally zero consequences if you get caught. It's not a crime to lie on a resume to a private org, and there's no master database where someone would report you.

The most important thing is communicating enthusiasm, second most important is charisma, third most important is tool knowledge. I know you probably don't feel good about yourself, so take some uppers if you need to. You can absolutely get by with just one of those three things. I can't teach enthusiasm or charisma, but the tool knowledge is very easily faked.

Remember those alternate tools we listed on your most recent role? This is where it becomes important. The first thing the hiring manager is going to ask after pleasantries and your employment background is "What tools have you used?" Make sure you mention that you have used their ***CRM*** before, but ***NOT AT YOUR MOST RECENT ROLE*** this is important. These CRMs get updated all the time, and they make enough changes that you can reasonably attribute the updates to not knowing where things are. 99% of companies are on HubSpot or Salesforce, to save you some time.

If they ask what your quota was at previous orgs, say 10 meetings a month, and say you were always over quota on average, but you usually have rough Decembers with the holidays. If they ask you your "Qualified" meetings or "POC" rate, say 40% or so for both, but that you don't have the numbers in front of you. If they ask you SMB, Mid-Market, or Enterprise, always say mid-market. You can look these terms up if you want, but the Qualified/POC terms are about how many meetings you set that were good, and the other terms were about the size of the company you reached out to. If they ask you contract size, say $50,000. If they ask your ICP (ideal customer profile) say managers and above.

Also mention that you made 100+ cold calls a day. The manager will like that.

Overall, try to shoot the shit as much as possible with everyone you talk to. They're just looking for someone they like.

How do I pass my background check?

Well, two of the companies you worked at have been acquired, so their records don't really exist anymore. Too bad. So safe there. It's really just the most recent company you have to worry about. Find whoever the SDR manager is at that company, put them down as your reference, and then make up a gmail for them. The company will send them an email, not hear back, and that's that. Check r/overemployed for background check info but bear in mind they're applying for way more serious jobs than you are. If the company you're trying to work at uses Checkr or a similar service, understand that these tools suck and most of the time people don't even look at the reports. Also, bear in mind that you get a copy of the background check, and so if you see that you got busted you can just ghost the org and block everyone on linkedin. But I think mine has gotten flagged at every company I've applied to for dumb bullshit and no one has ever said a word to me. HR people are just as lazy as the rest of us, and not hiring someone because of a flag on employment history is kind of a headache.

How do I (pretend to) do my job?

Biggest thing is to maintain the fake enthusiasm. Also, any company hiring you will likely have some kind of repeatable system in place for you to follow. Do everything exactly like the team is doing, and you will survive a year minimum. Your first week will be somewhat stressful, but after that you'll learn why everyone calls these fake email jobs. When I was an entry-level SDR it was about three hours of work every day to avoid getting fired long term. If you do less than that you can probably still get 6 months out of it before you have to rinse and repeat the process.

My Qualifications:

I have had four of these jobs. The first one I did absolutely nothing for 18 months and then got fired. Honestly kinda rocked. I made 50k base and 10k variable there. After I got fired I bullshitted my way into another company, and actually applied myself there. $60k base and $60k variable. Making six figures made me realize that money is awesome and I should be ambitious, so when that company got acquired I went to another company as an sdr making $70k base and $60k variable and worked my ass off. Got promoted a year ago to manager and now I make $125k and $50k variable. I have never worked in an office in my life, all from home.

Probably forgot some stuff but if you do all this you can steal get a small cut of all this tech money floating around our economy right now.

Conclusion

I want to reiterate that this is a pretty common practice in my experience. Pretty much everyone is faking to some degree, though this is on the more significant side. Anecdotally, my current boss is making a half mil a year, and if you saw what he told our ceo about his work history vs what's on his - publicly viewable -linkedin profile, you'd be stunned. Everyone is doing it. I've never heard of anyone getting caught. This is the world we live in now. There is no reason to be unemployed.