How did you know?

I realize Reddit is like not the place for this but I just need to shout into the void for a minute yanno?

My fiancé and I are set to get married in July. We only got engaged a month ago, so a fairly quick engagement. But the closer we get, the more unsettled I get. I can’t shake the feeling no matter what. My issue is, I struggle with ocd and it shows up in all kinds of ways, sometimes religious, sometimes relational, etc. and when we were talking about marriage before getting engaged, I was so sure. Everything felt so right, like deep in my gut right. And now, everything feels wrong. And I don’t know if it’s ocd or a real, true gut feeling. I’m terrified of getting married and realizing it was the wrong choice. I’m terrified of hurting him. There are real issues we are working on, I feel like we’re at different levels of emotional maturity and awareness and that’s been hard. He’s in therapy, as am I, but he’s only there because I asked him to be—that’s another long story—and I know that just sounds like “oh another controlling girl trying to force her man into growing and doing xyz” but there were legitimate reasons for me asking for that, that I won’t get into on here.

Anyways, I’m scared to talk to my therapist or parents about it because I’m scared they’re just gonna tell me to leave or judge me and I don’t know if that’s right. Maybe it’s just OCD.

My fiancé and I have pretty good communication. We have check ins every week and if something is bothering us we bring it up before it turns to resentment or a bigger argument, etc.

I’m just terrified. All I’ve ever wanted is to be a mother and wife, and I’m scared I’m gonna make the wrong choice just because I want it so bad.