My husband has complained that my hobby has gotten in the way of intimacy between us because I'm so busy.

For some background, I am deeply involved in my town's performing arts scene. Each year I'm generally involved in one musical and one play, but I'm also on the board of directors for one group, and volunteer for another group.

With this in mind, for roughly 6 months of the year (Feb-April and Sep-Oct) I am extremely busy. From Feb-April, I can have upwards of four rehearsals per week, and Sep-Oct around two per week. All of this on top of my normal 9-5 job.

I (32) have been with my husband (33) for 8 years, married for three. He has his own hobbies, but they are all as-and-when type hobbies. Painting, crocheting, things like that. He doesn't have slow and busy seasons. During non-busy times, we have sex about 3 times a week. At the busiest time of year, it goes down to once a week (at minimum. I don't know if we've ever gone more than a week without having sex for a non-medical reason).

The current show has been particularly time-consuming for me. I volunteered for a behind-the-scenes role that ended up being a lot more involved than I anticipated, and the dance routines have changed a lot, so I'm having a hard time keeping up.

Recently, my husband and I were having sex, but an angle was weird or something and he hit my cervix. I was fine until he came, and then I started cramping, so we stopped and cuddled. So I didn't orgasm, and my stomach was in pain. I wasn't feeling particularly sexy or glowy. While we were cuddling, my mind wandered to choreography that I was going to run through at rehearsal later that afternoon. My husband asked what I was thinking about, and I was honest and said "honestly, choreography".

Now to quickly clarify, I am never thinking about anything but how hot and sexy my husband is during sex. Only after did I start thinking about dance.

He got quiet, obviously upset, but he didn't want to talk about it. I was like, alright, then it's nothing. It definitely doesn't seem like nothing, but he says he's fine.

Today he asked to talk, and said that me thinking of choreography right after sex stung, and he knows performing is important to me, but he feels like we don't get to be intimate together enough when I'm in the middle of a show. Not just sex, but being together at all.

I told him I didn't mean to upset him, I just didn't want to lie to him, and that I'm sorry.

And to make matters worse, immediately after this conversation, he opened up my laptop to put a show on the TV, and asked what the video that was loaded on it was for... It was a recording of the dance because I was practicing the choreography while he was at the gym 🤦‍♀️

But as I sit here, now I'm starting to overthink it and get frustrated. Yes, I'm busy. I'm well aware. I'm at rehearsal 3 out of 5 weeknights, but I'm still making dinner for us to sit down and enjoy together every night. I'm planning date nights together. Every Friday night after rehearsal I'm coming home and suggesting we do things together. Build our lego set. Watch a movie. Play a board game. This past weekend we went to a spa together because I planned it. Like, I am trying to still date him while doing all this stuff. I'm just not horny for sex three times a week. 

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy cooking dinner. I'm good at cooking. I can whip up a delicious and healthy dinner fairly quickly. I like making food for my husband. I like eating dinner with him. I enjoy having date nights with my husband. It would be nice if he planned one on occasion. But because I'm the busy one, I feel like it's only fair that I plan around my schedule (even though we have a shared calendar).

I think what this novel of a post is basically saying is that I think we both feel unappreciated. Him: sexually. Me: mental load-ly.