Don't know how to title this.

My 11yo has started seeking me out to say goodnight to me.

That probably sounds trivial, but I swear, it's major for this kid.

Their bedtime routine has been the same since they moved in almost four months ago—at 7:30, they brush their teeth and change into their pajamas in the bathroom, then go to their room and read until they're tired. I've been saying goodnight before they head upstairs since they got here, and they'd usually say it back but then the rest of their routine was very independent.

The past four nights, they've come to find me because they "just wanted to say goodnight" before going to their room after brushing their teeth. Last night we did things a bit out of order and watched a show together after their shower and toothbrushing because they had a hard visit with their mom and wanted to decompress. I went to the bathroom and they'd apparently stood by their bedroom door until they heard me finish so they could open their door the moment I stepped in the hall and say goodnight.

I've struggled to feel connected to them because they have a really hard time with reciprocal communication. I loved them pretty quickly, but they didn't feel like my kid. It felt like having one of my students in my home. There have been many fun moments, we build things together most weekends and we have some great conversations about deep academic-type topics, but there have also been a lot of hard moments where I've felt like, why is this kid still in my house?

And then they came downstairs Saturday night just to say goodnight to me, they reached out to connect in a way that meshed with my own communication style (vs the way they often try to connect by saying random utterly irrelevant commentary that I KNOW is an attempt at connection but never have any idea how to respond to) and it was like being hit by a truck. Except the truck was feelings of overwhelming love. Suddenly this kid feels like my kid.

I don't really know what else to say or what my point here is. I just needed to share it.