First breakup </3

Hello! I don’t have anyone to talk to about this in real life, and this is my first breakup. I’m hoping that venting here and getting some advice + outside perspectives can make the healing process a little less painful :’)

It’s been almost four weeks since my ex broke up with me. We had only been dating for about three months, and from the start, the relationship was intense and rocky. At first, he was incredibly sweet, saying things like he wanted to take care of me and promising that he wouldn’t let anyone hurt me. I had always avoided relationships in the past, but with him, I felt truly seen and cared for. I trusted him completely and loved him with my whole heart.

Over time, though, his behavior shifted. His messages became shorter and slower, and he only made time for me when his friends weren’t around. I began overthinking, but I never mentioned it because I thought maybe it was just me being dramatic. Deep down, I suspected something was wrong, but I didn’t act on it.

Unfortunately, I was right :(

He broke up with me, saying he needed to focus on moving and on his family. It was devastating because earlier that same day, he had told me he loved me and that he’d throw anything away for me. He said that if I could wait until he settled, he’d have time to love me fully. I agreed, and we stayed in contact for a couple of weeks. Then he asked if I wanted to get back together, and I said yes.

For a short while, we exchanged texts and calls again, but it wasn’t the same. On our last call before everything ended, he said he was afraid of losing me. Whenever I said “I love you” or “I miss you,” he often dismissed it or didn’t acknowledge it. He stopped sharing his location, left messages on delivered for days, and generally withdrew. Even though I noticed these signs, I still didn’t confront him.

When he finally did reach out, he abruptly brought up breaking up again. I tried to ask him to stay, but he blocked me on every app. I asked if I had ever mattered to him, but he never answered. For weeks after, I cried because I had genuinely loved him, and I had given him my all. Yet he let me go.

When I tried to seek clarity, he told me he hated me and everyone else, and that he was going to sell his phone later that week, though he’s been active on social media. When I asked him why he wanted to get back with me if he was just going to block me in the end, he replied with “false hope.”

He eventually unblocked me about two weeks later, and then recently on the main app we used to talk. But today, he blocked me on there again. I wanted to reach out, but I feel like after everything, he should be the one to make the first move. I was hoping for some message from him, but it never came.

Even after everything, I can’t bring myself to hate him for what he’s done. I still want him back, but only the version of him I fell in love with, not the one who distanced himself. I cared so deeply, and he was my first love. I just don’t know how to process everything or move on.