Gf (31f) and I (35m) split up with no closure, unsure how to move forward

Hey y'all, I probably know the answer at the end; but my heart and my brain have been at odds since my ex and I split up. Maybe I'm looking for outside perspective, confirmation, maybe I don't see what I did wrong, etc

My ex (E) and I split up early February due to her seeing failures/faults that she thought was relationship ending; I'll try not to ramble and keep her grievances and mine separate. I've never felt this way about anybody and I'm having incredible trouble moving on

Her issues: my apartment was pretty bare bones when we got together, and she helped me make it a home. I never really got anything as a child and was never allowed freedom to decorate. I've been minimalist my entire life with no complaints from partners. She brought up that she doesn't want to clean after a partner or take care of them. Note that she hasn't ever complained of me being messy and she loved coming over to relax and be cozy at my place

I had a pretty wild life right before I met her, and a stocking from a past FWB was under my bed that she found. I showed her all my deleted texts and contacts, I never had any communication with anybody that I had relations with. I didn't think to clean under there because, well, I don't put anything under there and had no idea. I apologized profusely and we moved on; she felt safe with that answer since we quite literally spent every bit of free time together since we we're a couple

I went with her to visit her family in nursing homes, and on the way she said a jab that made me feel small about how I help her around her place and that my help was more of a burden than help. I shut down, and we spent the remaining time mostly in silence. I tried to hold her hand and attempted(probably poorly) to ask what's on her mind/how can I help to no avail. We spent the night away from each other and made up. She felt abandoned in that moment, and I did everything I could to show her I would never, ever abandon her and did everything I could to ease her stress. I would help clean, help with her small business, cook or order food, feed her pets, vacuum, run and grab packages or go to the post office to send items out, grab champagne and massage her after shifts, I really tried to show her I treated her as my wife; but she told me when these issues present themselves, she cuts it off immediately to not get hurt, but we tried anyway

Lastly, I took her on a work trip outside the US that my company paid for. I haven't been outside the US and when we got to the hotel there was a deposit to be made. My bank denied it even after I called and told them I was going to be outside the US, they didn't authorize it and I got declined. She covered it, and once my card was unlocked I immediately paid her back, and then some for the inconvenience, and paid for everything else on the vacation. She was also mad about not knowing the itinerary, and I sent it to her multiple times for a food and walk tour and she was still upset she didn't have the correct shoes.

The straw that broke the camel's back was when we got back, she wanted me to make a doctor appointment because health is important; I said I'd schedule it by end of week and she was done.

My end: the first one was when we we're doing work on my place, and I wasn't sure what told to get and she just threw up her hands, said that's a boy job, and walked away. That didn't sit right with me but whatever, I can overlook that

Next was Snapchat. I have a really bad history with past relationships and snap, every time it's lead to me figuring out they were seeing somebody else through that app. Flirting, full on cheating, etc. I noticed she kept only snapping guys and I told her how it made me feel. She said they are friends she kept through there and offered me to go through them. I couldn't do it, whether it was fear of finding something, respect for privacy, who knows. She them showed me her chats, none were there and told me that they would text and not continue on snap because of my past. Cool, I'm not trying to take away friendships, all I wanted was transparency. But the very next day she was snapping the same people when I saw her get a notification while we were cooking and I almost left and broke it off right there. I couldn't understand how you just... Straight up, unabashedly lie to your partners face.

A few days later, I was talking to her on the bed and I went to throw a pillow at her whole we joked; I got her phone and an app popped up, it looked like a dating app and I froze and tossed it to the other end of the bed and asked her about it. Apparently it was an escort app. She said she was hard on money and was going to ask if me that's okay to make sure she can pay for her dad's treatment, etc. I said no no nooooo, I don't want you to sell yourself. I will help you if needed please just let me know and we can with through this together.

She's posted me on socials, calling me a fairy-tale.. but never on snap. That led me to believe she's entertaining other dudes on there, I never confronted it really but that always ate me alive

Lastly, that same trip. Most of the time she was on her phone, on snap, and didn't think I knew because she'd constantly fall behind in walking while we were going places, and I couldn't take it. I asked her to make our relationship visible on social media (since I don't use it and I wanted this trip to rekindle it) ... And she said no. She constantly compared the trip to her and her ex husband, saying the all inclusives they went to were miles better, and she always talked in present tense. When we go here, when we do this, etc

I'll be honest, I was pathetic when we broke up. I I spilled my guts for over two months telling her how much I loved her, the future I saw with us, I've never wanted kids with anyone before this, I got her flowers and gifts and wrote love letters to show her I wouldn't give up, I wouldn't abandon her. And maybe if I just toned it down it would've worked. She said she needed to go to therapy for her past relationship with her parents and abandonment and to learn to forgive; because she's told me over and over she should be able to forgive these things but she can't.

She's told me nobody has ever loved her better, nobody has communicated with her as well as I have, and nobody has fought for her as hard as I have and she doesn't deserve me. She told me these things during and after we broke up. That she still feels that magnetic pull

I know the logical outcome. The trust was broken, and we're probably not compatible. But I can't deny my heart. I committed my heart and soul and I would move mountains for her. I still would as sad as it is. My brain knows that if she lied so quickly and easily.. what else am I missing? Is she being honest? I... Don't know.

I don't know why I'm posting. I know she's on Reddit and looks in this sub. Part of me wants her to see it, another part is so ashamed and embarrassed looking at the facts that I can't let go. My heart says she's in the hardest time of her life, confronting past trauma and questions about herself and her behavior. And I would give ANYTHING to be able to be with her for the rest of my life. No contest. Which hurts, so so much. Because I know she's seeing other people and said she needs time and therapy to think about us.

So, maybe I'm looking for support. Maybe I'm not seeing my red flags. Maybe my heart needs to hear that... It wasn't good. It was great at the start, but sometimes life doesn't work out.

Tl;dr - I'm heartbroken and I'm looking for direction. any advice? About the relationship, about moving forward, reconnecting?