Recently visited the city I spent my childhood in, and realised how shitty and sad my childhood was.

My family is from Bangalore but I was born and brought up in Gurgaon.

I am an only child and had a miserable childhood and school life, filled with bullying.

I was a timid and extremely lonely kid constantly feeling alienated, with absolutely no courage.

When I moved to Bangalore for college, I became a different person and managed to shed some of my past behind, though I suppose it haunts my subconscious.

But I have absolutely no contact with anyone from the first 17 years of my life (apart from family ofc). No school friends, no society friends, nada.

I recently went back to Delhi for an MBA interview and thought of extending the stay a bit and exploring the city again.

But then it hit me that I don't have even a single person I can look forward to meeting from the place I spent the biggest chunk of my life till now. Ended up coming back the very day of the interview.

17 years of my life practically don't exist except the remnants of all the trauma that's left behind.

I know I perhaps have mental health issues, but this thought just makes me feel such aching emotional hollowness that I don't know how to overcome.

Me not having a single person from my entire childhood and adolescence in my life is a reflection of how shitty of a developmental phase I had, and it just makes me cry so much. I don't know if I'll ever be ok, but I want to hug younger me so bad.