Guys I’m so fricking scared right now I don’t know what to do

I’m on my way to work and I keep seeing all these photos of these celebrities and they’re all so thin now and at first I thought it wouldn’t bother me but now I’m almost on the verge of tears and I don’t know why. Like I’m just so frustrated.

I purged on Saturday for the first time in a while and I said that I knew things were going to get bad for me because I’m trying to workout again but it was so natural to me and I’m upset. I don’t know. God my mind is a mess.

I’m so angry, I feel so competitive with these women and they don’t even know l exist. And I feel bad for them but I’m almost just like whyyy. I wish I didn’t see those pictures.

And everyone keeps talking about ozempic and now I’m starting to feel “influenced” for a lack of a better word.

I’m jealous. I’m jealous and angry and I don’t know I just want to cry I’m already dealing with so much every day and I want to get better and every time I try a new phot of some beautiful celeb pops up and ruins everything for me. All the time. I can’t frikken escape them. All the billboards and bus ads, it’s just every where. Everyone is so thin. It’s like I’m the only one not joining in, and I want to but I’m so afraid of being ill again. Last year was hard, but I hate how I look now too and it’s just ugh.

Today has had an awful start. I feel just awful I wish I could go home. Now I’m sad and I don’t even want to eat. Which I know can and will get out of hand for me. And I forgot my lunch at home and I was genuinely looking forward to eating it and now it might nit ever matter, but it does matter to me because I’m so frikken hungry but if I eat I’ll gain weight and I won’t be pretty. But I’m so hungry, I wish I didn’t forget my lunch, I wish I didn’t se those photos. I want to go home, I’m so upset. I hate this so much