AIO?I’m 42 F and my SIL is a 38 F and we’ve been friends for a long time but recently IMO it’s turned weird.

Long post. TW: cancer and pregnancy

For examples- last year was a tough year - I got cancer and went through 8 months of chemo treatments, surgery, radiation. She hardly reached out, I get it though, she has 2 kiddos and is busy but still I thought maybe she’d see how I was doing once in awhile. I would reach out to her here and there because I hadn’t heard from her. Then one day last fall she did message me and asked how I was? That day was rough mentally and emotionally from healing, I said up and down and she answered that’s just being an adult I guess lol. I was like ok….. 😞

And before I got married she insisted on a bridal shower even though she wasn’t my maid of honour and I said I didn’t want one but she planned one anyway. Then at my wedding I had a schedule for photos shoots with my photographer and the bridal party. She was one of my bridesmaids and she was pregnant at the time but I had planned an exit photo with the wedding party but she had changed out of her dress because it was too hot. I mentioned it to her and she shrugged her shoulders. I was wondering why she didn’t ask first? Or say I’m needing to get into some comfy clothes is it ok if we do the shoot sooner than later, or I would’ve done it without her then. I get that she wasn’t feeling great and stuff I just thought she’d ask about it first or give me a heads up. Or even back out of the wedding party.

Then this fall I decided to do farmers markets and sell some baking - To help with finances and to take my mind off of this last year. Well, out of the blue, my SIL has decided she’s going to start doing markets too. I’m like fine, great whatever - I really don’t care but the thing is she informed me that her items (she’s doing more crafty and repurposed things) will be big sellers. I’m like great! She also informed me that she talked to a lady who knows all about the markets around the area and my SIL said to me that this lady told her that there’s way too much baking at these markets. I didn’t ask her about it, she informed me. I’m like ok, are you trying to tell me something with that statement?! 😆 But apparently the items my SIL is planning will be great for the markets so this market lady says. And now everytime we talk, she tells me all her plans for market, she’s never asked me my plans or how’s it going or whatever. I just listen and say - “hey that’s great, glad it’s going to be good for you”. I guess if it was a friend and a SIL trying something out - in my mind I’d be rooting for them even if I thought it might not work or whatever. But that’s me I suppose.

This past Christmas my hubby and I decided that since my SIL has hosted the last few Christmas gatherings- it was our turn. So I reached out to family to see who wants to bring what for a meal, well my SIL decided she was going to bring everything except 3 items when there was 3 other people that could bring something… I finally talked her out of bringing so much and letting others bring something as well. But then she reached out to me and was telling me what time we should start the party and what games we should do. I didn’t say anything but boy I wanted to! And now so far she’s been planning all other family gatherings - new years, Easter…… I haven’t got a clue what’s going on. It’s always last minute. Like it might be 3 days before the get together and we are to bring a dish and still don’t know what we are to bring! I like to give my guests/family at least 1 week notice if not 2 weeks (or more). I think it’s considerate, especially since most of us live in rural areas. This happens every single time!

Then since I was diagnosed with breast cancer she started posting stuff like if you breastfeed you will prevent BC. She hasn’t posted anything like this until my diagnosis. Thing is I have no kids and so not able to BF. I’m like why are you posting this? I haven’t said anything but….. and yes she is free to post what she wants but since my diagnosis she likes to post this kind of thing every other week.

Then a couple weeks ago she texted me out of the blue- are you pregnant? You look pregnant. She thinks she’s pregnant…. I’ve told her multiple times because of cancer treatment and multiple fibroids, it’s near impossible for me to get pregnant.

Then about a week ago she invited my husband and I to a business meeting for the family business- the thing is my FIL, my hubby and his brothers own and run the business not her or I. She had ideas for them but to be honest I feel her ideas for what they could do which is fine but why is she inviting us to their business meeting?

She keeps ‘reminding’ those around her that she is a mom- for example my other SIL isn’t much for conversation and people but she shared with this SIL and myself about her new kittens and right away the SIL says how she loves baby animals and would love some but instead she raising baby humans. Another time she told me she loves her coffee but she always drinks it cold because she’s a mom. I’m like ok. I know she’s incredibly proud to be a mom and I get it! I would be too. I’ve just never had another friend who is a mom talk like that, also bringing the conversation back to her being a mom.

When my mom was very sick in the hospital, she didn’t once reach out so I thought she then didn’t know my mom was sick but turns out she knew. I thought it weird as I would’ve reached out. I guess to show that I care and/or thinking about her and mom.

I can’t believe she talks and treats me like this. I was trying to put myself in her shoes and think if it was the other way around and honestly I can’t do it! I wouldn’t think to do half this stuff to a SIL or a friend. Right now I don’t even engage with her. I don’t want to talk with her. She drains me. I feel discouraged and small when I’m around her. And yet no one else in the family seems to be bothered by her. Is this normal behaviour? I’m just thinking this is how it works with SILs. Am I silly to be overreacting to all this? I’m open for constructive feedback!