I threw an ounce of ketamine in the toilet last night

Had been averaging about 2 grams a day off and on for a few years. Had what felt like a near death experience 2 nights ago where I felt like I stopped breathing until my cat jumped up on me and snapped me out of it. Did a little bit last night and then it just felt right to throw it out but having major regrets this morning despite knowing it was the right thing to do. Recently all I think about when I’m high is how I’ve gotta stop doing this but then when I’m sober I just go back to wanting to feel like I do when I’m high and don’t want to be. Weird cycle to be in not sure if anyone has experienced the same