Me [29m] and my GF [34f] are reconciling I think?

This is probably considered an update. To read my other posts for full context. I’ll try and summarize what I can for now for this post.

So I was dating my boss at Walmart. We can call her B. We dated for several months. We had a lot of sexual tension for around five months. We had a mutual crush on each other for 17 months. She used to work for a different department that interacted with ours quite often. She swapped shifts and that’s when the sexual tension in the will we won’t we began.

We got along really well there’s a ton of chemistry. We had sexual chemistry, exact same music tastes, same humor, physical attraction on both ends, and many more things. She has a three-year-old daughter, who I got along with really well. She doesn’t just introduce anyone to her daughter, of course she’s very protective. Maybe a week after we started dating I was at her house 4 to 6 days a week. After a few weeks, I was practically living with her. I still have around half of my clothes and a lot of my personal belongings at her apartment.

This goes on for a few months. Everything was going well, we felt like a family. Family outings to parks, holidays together, met each other’s families. Split up chores split up bills. Never fought. We had sex 2-3 times a day most days. Work was great. I would work hard for her. I would stay late so we can go home quicker. She did not want me to quit. I suggested going to a different shift. She said no.

And then January. The position equal to her opens up. I kind of want the position. My brother (A) wants the position as well. Mind you, A is the person that I officially lived with. I would stay at his place one day out of the week. Which is when B. Would decompress. If A were to get position I would have to swap shifts or get a new job. Me and B decide we don’t want him to get the new position but we feel like it’s safest if I were to pull out of the running. I tell my brother not to go for the position and I give him reasons not to go for it. This angers him. It makes him feel like he isn’t good enough. He’s always had a little bit of a complex with me and he decides to kick me out out of the apartment. Which you would think it wouldn’t be a big deal. I already lived with B 90% of the time right? Well, the complicated stuff comes from A who also works under B. He begins essentially blackmailing us to get what he wants at work. He starts slacking off and telling others about our relationship. She can’t do anything because he threatened to tell HR about us. Him and his friend abuse this position for a few weeks. And someone finally tells HR. I get pulled into the office and they asked directly about the relationship. I deny everything. When the shift ends, I tell B. She freaks out. She tells me I can’t live with her right now. I am forced to beg my brother to allow me to move back in with him.

This is when the real problems begin to arise. So I am a bit distraught. I feel like I’ve lost everything all at once. B started to be mean to me at work, but she was very apologetic over the phone or text. We essentially stop seeing each other outside of work entirely. She was very scared she would lose her job and wouldn’t be able to provide for her daughter. I start looking for a new job. She’s very cold to me at work. But over text we are we can do this. We can get through this. I continuously reach out for a reassurance. She reassures me less and less as time goes on. This goes on for a few weeks and she decides that we need to slow way down on contact. She says that we are on a pause. She tells me I am not to contact her unless it’s about work.

This is when I really lock in. I had just gotten a new job interview lined up. And during this period of time where I’m not allowed to text her I get get accepted at the new job. I start going to therapy. I begin to understand that what she was trying to ask for was space. I learned through therapy that I have an anxious attachment style, and she has a disorganized attachment style. She also informs me that she has a dysregulated nervous system. I give her her space. She lifts the no contact ban. Two weeks pass I start my new job. I leave the store.

Things between me and her are fragile, but we never break contact. She begins to vent to me more and more. Almost every day some weeks. We begin joking over text about work related things. She even opened up to me about some things that triggered her a few weeks ago. We are back to talking every day or every other day at worst. I feel like things are progressing in a good direction. Two weekends ago she went on a vacation. And she sent me some videos of her and her daughter, laughing and being happy on the boat. This was the first time that she had sent me a picture or a video of her or her daughter since January. This felt like a big moment to me.

The reason I made this post was because of what happened this week. She had a very stressful week at work, but she still vented to me and reached out to me on her most stressful days. We aren’t texting constantly. But we’re still talking once or twice a day every other day. With check-in and real conversations. The big conversation that ended up happening, was I made a joke about something that happened at work. She responded when she woke up later as she was off that night (oh right we both work overnight) but then she brings up her hobby. Plants. B bought a bunch of plants. I ask about them if there’s any that stick out that are special. She responds by recording a one minute video of her walking around her porch, describing the plants one by one and telling me which ones they are. She starts out the video kind of sad and no energy, but as the video goes on, she gets happier and more enthused. Wind up having a funny joking conversation about plants and I bring up the plants that I bought her in the past. She takes a picture of the most important plant when I got her on Valentine’s Day which has her daughter in the background. She had moved that plant right next to the couch in a position where she’s never put a plant before. That plant was in her fanciest pot. And it was very visible. I didn’t really notice all these things at first. But I do think that it matters that she has not only been taking good care of that plant, but it’s kind of in a position of honor. It’s in the heart of her home. Every time you go anywhere in her apartment, you will see that plant because it’s such a central location. And her and her daughter frequent the couch all the time so you would see that plant all the time. We continued our conversation we reminisced about times when we went to go get plants. And she ends the conversation abruptly. We were going plant to plant of the plants I’ve gotten her. And she just stopped. I figured she ran out of emotional bandwidth by that point.

This was essentially the best conversation we’ve had in almost 2 months. Now the problem is she hasn’t texted me back since then. That happened on the most recent Saturday in the morning. She told me that night she was going to do Easter with her mom. Which is almost certainly an extremely stressful situation as she and her mom butt heads a whole lot. She told me that Sunday she would be “ getting her life together” I asked if this was a decompression day and she said pretty much. I went to work that night on Saturday, and I sent her a funny message. I wasn’t expecting a response until Monday. Monday came and went no response. I sent her a “hope you had a good weekend. Good luck at work.” text Monday night before work. No response. it is now Wednesday morning still no response.

I felt like we were really reconnecting. Getting back into the flow of things. Why are we on no contact for four days already? Did I do something wrong? She told me before that once she gets her mind in order, she wants to be a family with me. Was this conversation that we had just too much? We were having a lot of fun. Lots of emojis lots of jokes on both sides, teasing reminiscing. Maybe this was just a very high emotional battery draining moment and she’s still recovering? I’m not really sure what to think.

Does anyone have any ideas what’s going on? I feel like the smart thing to do would be to stay steady and don’t message her let her come to me. I left her with that good luck at work message on Monday and I think I’ll just let her regulate and come to me. Any advice is welcome. And thank you very much for reading all this.