My best friend has ASPD and NPD traits, a traumatic childhood, and is now obsessively planning to "win back" his ex by any means.

Hey Reddit,

I’m really worried about my best friend and could use some honest advice. We’ve been close for years, and I’ve watched him go through a lot. Lately things have gotten darker, and I’m not sure what the right thing to do is — whether I should talk to his parents, try to intervene directly, or something else.

Here’s the timeline of what I know:

\- From age 3 he was already lying a lot. At 3 he once beat a mouse to death with a shovel “for fun,” and up until around age 12 he regularly tortured bugs. His parents were constantly fighting and badmouthing each other. His mom often used him as a weapon against his dad, telling him things like “your dad hates you, thinks you’re ugly, and would be happy if you didn’t exist.” Whenever his relationship with his dad started getting better, his mom would sabotage it. His dad was physically abusive when he expressed not wanting to stay over. Even after his parents finally got married, he had intense death fears about his father for a long time. The fighting continued, and at age 10 when he brought home a C on a test, his mom called him “the shame of the family” and beat him badly.

\- Because both parents lied constantly, he learned early on not to trust anyone. He was never very empathetic as a kid, but he did feel sadness when important people died — until around age 15, when even his own grandpa’s death left him completely cold.

\- At 15 he had a severe allergic reaction and nearly suffocated, but he stayed totally calm the whole time and was even joking around. That same year he met a girl and instantly felt she was going to be a huge part of his life. For two years he patiently waited and took every chance to get closer to her, building this detailed fantasy of their future together in his head.

\- At 17 they finally got together. At first he admitted the relationship felt like a “chore” or homework to him, but that feeling passed. He was strangely calm during all the usual stressful couple moments (meeting family, etc.). When she broke up with him, he was angry for a few minutes, sad for a couple of days, and then completely fine — like it never happened.

\-His empathy, which was already low, basically disappeared around 16. Friends became purely transactional to him; he sees them as replaceable.

\- After the breakup he dug into her past by asking her friends and exes about her. He concluded she’s very mentally damaged. Instead of moving on, he started seeing her as a “child who needs protection.” That’s when a big shift happened. He became much colder toward his parents — he stopped the cheerful acting he used to do around them.

\- In the months since the breakup, he’s changed even more. He told me he never really feelt anger or sadnes in his life — if he acts angry or sad, it’s because he thinks “a normal person would react this way.”

\- His short-term goal right now is getting the girl back. He thinks about her literally every minute. It’s no longer the innocent crush from before — he’s made it clear he’s willing to hurt her (she’s already mentally vulnerable) if that’s what it takes to succeed. He’s always been extremely stubborn: once he decides on something, he never lets it go. Now he doesn’t just believe he’ll win her back — the possibility of failure doesn’t even cross his mind.

He’s generally very calm and composed on the surface. He thinks that the world as cruel, scary, and completely indifferent to everyone.

I’m his best friend and I care about him a lot, but this obsession is scaring me. The willingness to harm a mentally ill girl to “win” feels way over the line. At the same time, he has serious ASPD and NPD traits, a brutal childhood, and almost no remaining empathy.

What should I do?

\- Try to talk to him and help him see how dangerous this path is?

\- Contact his parents (even though he’s 18 and they have their own messy history)?

\- Something else?

I don’t want to betray his trust, but I also don’t want to watch him (or her) get seriously hurt. Any advice is appreciated — especially from people who’ve dealt with friends who have cluster B traits or dark triad tendencies.