why do I become a horrible person when I'm drunk

everytime i become drunk to the point of loss of memory or complete blackout, i end up saying or doing shit id never do.

i wake up the next day, and ex. my friend is pissed at me because i said some horrible stuff but i have no recollection of it.

there were instances where i called a close friend a whore and similar things.

i do want to add that for that instance ive had thoughts and frustrations with that friend, due to her whole life revolving around men and similar, but ive never actually thought her to be a whore and yet i lashed out with those very words when i was blackout. i really hate myself for this and dont know why it happens.