(27M) (27F) (4M) sorry for how long it is

Broken heart 💔

tl;dr: husband finds out wife cheated and now doesn’t know what to do.

I want to start off by saying I’m not innocent either… god just typing this out hurts really bad. About a week ago I found out that there was more to the cheating that she told me. And it really sucks, we were over at her parent’s place how we usually do on Monday nights. Our son started to go play with his toys while he and her siblings started to cook I had just finished a conversation with her parents. Being proud on how I got a truck and gotten approved for a mortgage. When I got up and told them that I was tired and was going to take a nap til dinner was ready. I went to go nap in her siblings room when I saw a diary open. Knowing how I would feel if someone read through something personal of mine I would feel angry. Just as I was about to put it away I saw on the page that was open it was a whole work out routine. And knew it was my girls so I read it since I wanted to get her something for the gym and hopefully it would help. When I went to go to the page before it. There was nothing. So I went a little back further.. and that’s when I saw it…. At first glance the saw the date December 2024 she wrote how she got into the car of the guy she cheated on me with and described how she liked it on how she made him feel. I can’t write out the rest of it since it hurts like crazy but you understand. I couldn’t have the heart to read through the rest of it since it hurt like crazy. All I could remember was at that time me and my family and my son went down to Mexico to celebrate his 3 years. We booked a huge venue to celebrate with my family down there and eventually her and her best friend were going to come also later on closer to the party date. When the date of her and her friend came we had a conversation on how I was going to do better in life. At the time I was working as an Amazon driver basically a dead end job. And I wasn’t getting many hours. I felt grateful on how she was holding our family down for a span of 5 months. We told each other how much we loved each other and how we were going to make it. Fuck that whole conversation makes me want to cry right now… a few pages down I saw another date 2/14/25 and that’s when my heart really shattered. I remember how that Valentine’s Day went. I only had $40 dollars and I spent it on her to get her flowers and chocolates. I was soo happy about getting her something. When I gave her the flowers and chocolate she was really happy. And we went on a date. During that span I lost my job. I felt destroyed that I wasn’t living up to my own expectations but there she was holding us down. So I wanted to show her how much I loved her. Well I read the journal and there she wrote saying how he gave her flowers and how her “ baby dad” gave her flowers. And It hurt reallyyyy bad seeing that I was just a baby dad. The whole time we were telling each other how much we loved each other and her she was saying that I’m just a baby dad.. at that point I closed it and decided to just cry it out because what else could I do.. I then wiped my tears and went to go find her and ask her to come talk toe in the room. We get in the room and I ask her to close the door. I pull out the journal and asked when were you going to tell me. She was frozen, and came up with it’s just a fantasy. The lie just began to snowball and kept ripping me. I then told her to stop and that I’m not stupid. Back in December of 2023 is when I found out about him. They were coworkers at her new job with her best friend and that they were seeing each other. When I talked to her about it she apologized and said that they never did anything except talk and that she caught things off right away. God Im so fucking stupid and gullible… I then told her I was going to go for a drive and that I needed space to think. Her first instinct was to push me to a corner so I wouldn’t leave but I told her I was done. She hugged me and said no you’re not and began to cry. I didn’t know if they were real tears or not but at that point I didn’t care. I just said I’m going to say good bye to everyone and that you and our kid are going to stay here tonight. I then told everyone goodnight and left. I sat on my truck outside and started to cry. Cry like crazy because that was my girl. That’s my family in there her and my kid. And now she wasn’t even mine when had planned everything out. All I kept thinking was how could she lie. That march of 2025 we both went on to get new jobs. I ended getting a pretty important job as a safety guy for a big electric and gas company. I’m happy to say that I’m still here after a year but she lost her job after 4 months of working there. During the time of her losing her job I told her she could just ride along with me so no one would think that she lost her job. Well during that time we spent a lot of time together and bonding like we have never before. Coming up to now. In my truck just crying my heart out since all I could think about was us spending all that time and the vacation seeing how we were doing so well. I decided to just leave. I got home and cried my self to sleep dreading the thought of having to go to work this whole week with this pain. I had bought tickets to go see our favorite band a month before and on the same week of finding out the concert landed. I spent around $700 just for us to be comfortable and not needing to be standing. I didn’t know what to do with the tickets. All I knew was that I wanted to go bad. I honestly don’t have friends and all I had was her. I felt like she was my only best friend to that point. So what else could I do. I asked her to still come with me since I promised her the tickets before. We went and pretended that we were okay. Well the whole time at the concert I just remembered on how much I loved her and Idk what to do because all I could do was think of our kid and how innocent he is. The concert ended and she decided to buy a hotel room for her and our kid. For the next 3 days we bought a hotel room and played family. I know that it’s not healthy but fuck for a split second I felt normal and seeing my kid so happy broke me even more… I felt like i owe my kid to be the happiest person in the world and him seeing us together watching a movie in the room made him smile and laugh. I really love him so much, and now it feels like I’m living a lie for him. We haven’t given each other space since. We’ve gotten out as a family to keep our kid happy. But all I can think of was the journal. And how much I’m masking my broken heart under it. And at this point I’m sure you’re thinking why not just leave. And this is why… when I was younger around 18-22 I cheated on her and she never left. And now the tables have turned. So I guess it’s karma for what I did. Now being 27 I understand how immature and stupid I was then but that’s life you learn from your mistakes and move on. My life completely changed when my son was born. I loved her in a way that I didn’t know existed. I was sooo happy to have a family. And now it’s a broken one. I stayed the first time I found out for our son. He didn’t deserve any of it. But now finding out that it didn’t stop and that it kept going just destroys me. I honestly don’t know what to do or feel. I think it would help and post this since I don’t have anyone to talk about it with. I hope you can give me some good advice or maybe even relate. I’m writing this as I’m typing it out because my son is sleeping so good next to me and It hurts living this lie. So please help me out because I feel like I have no one..