Accountability

Please tell me if this is avoidant or I’m too much…

I have been seeing a man on and off for about six months. The first few weeks are always amazing. He’s very intense but amazing. Always big grand gestures always trying to move in together quickly always I love you right off the hop, but our dynamic just feels so natural that I don’t question it much because I feel it too. (Although the I love you after the first two weeks I did and I said you can’t love someone so quick, but then we broke up and after we got back together a month later I kinda thought maybe I loved him too because I could not stop thinking about him and I missed him so much so the 2nd round I said I love you too).

This last time a reconnecting at the start of March after not barely talking for a month we ran into each other and we didn’t skip a beat, just magnetic to each other. That resulted in reconnecting and within Weeks he had asked me to join him, his brother and his brother’s girlfriend on a trip to Mexico.(they leave tomorrow actually.) and he said he realized our biggest problem was that we lived too far apart.(3 hours). He said he knew he was a better man when he was with me and he was happier when he was with me so he made himself a promise to do whatever it takes to make sure that we work. So he said he was going to move down here. This took about four days of looking at houses online and he found one right beside mine that he said he really liked which to be fair, it was the best value for square footage and cost so he looked at it and decided to put an offer on it. (First and only house he viewed)

He’s always been very active on Instagram adding a lot of women and I’m not gonna lie, He does have quite the reputation of being a womanizer. However, he always keeps coming back to me so I really did think it was something more. Because his reputation is he just goes for a hookup and once he gets it he’s out. But with me we connect for a few weeks, have fun then he ends abruptly after I voice anything needing reassurance. We don’t talk for about four weeks and then one of the two of us messages the other and we come back around same cycle. This was our third round in it. This time though I was very open about what I needed when we first reconnected. I said that I didn’t like how many women he added to Instagram. I said I deserved a man who only had eyes on me and I deserve a man who made me feel safe emotionally and not just physically because he was always about keeping me safe so I told him it has to be emotionally too. He said he’s starting to understand me more and he knows what I need and he will make it his job to make sure I’m safe emotionally and physically and he removed about 200 accounts on Instagram that he was following of women. He said we can both be very strict about respecting the other online (he didn’t like when I posted gym pics because he said he knew I got attention so I stopped and just sent them to him).

Anyways, two days after the offer, I noticed he had re-followed this woman that had popped up on his Instagram the last time he pulled away and abruptly ended it, so I asked him have you added anybody else to Instagram and he said no. I said you haven’t added any females to Instagram this weekend, he said no. We got into a heated argument about it he said he won’t be dealing with this in his relationship so I said, are you leaving again and he said he wasn’t sure and we needed to have a good talk. Three hours later, he text me and says he had a lay down and got some clarity and said he pulled the offer on the house. I asked what does that mean for us he said nothing changed with us but the rest of the week he was so cold. Only texting surface stuff that you would text to a random nothing of depth. No I love you, no I miss you. None of the same affection that he always did. And barely texting. Like we went from about 5600 messages the first three weeks.. so maybe 5 a day after. So I asked for clarity. I said I can’t be in the dark and he said he feels like we should just be friends. I said I don’t need any more friends and he said he respects that and wishes me all the best and now we haven’t talked in 5 days and I notice he’s back to adding females (7 in the last three days). I removed him from social media and blocked him on Instagram because mentally I just need the break but I am actually wondering am I too much because of my Instagram insecurity over his women? Did I ruin this because my anxious attachment flared up?