I hate being “high functioning” autistic sometimes

*Warning I use swear words in this

This is going to sound very whiny probably and rationally I know I'm lucky, but I just need to vent and hopefully some people understand/relate so I don’t feel so alone in this?

As the title says, I hate that I’m “high functioning” autistic. I hate using that word but I also don’t know any other that encompasses what I mean. It feels like because I’m high functioning people forget that I’m still fucking autistic, which I can’t blame most people for as I never talk about it but it’s my parents that drive me absolutely insane.

My dad messed with my routine and my lunch today and I can’t even say anything about it. Then he askes me a stupid question, which I just answer and suddenly I’m being yelled at because apparently I wasn’t masking enough and my tone wasn’t right?

I’m so fucking exhausted, why does the fact I have a high IQ negate the fact that I also have a developmental disability? I hate that I have to mask all the fucking time, why can’t I be allowed to just be a little weird?

I sometimes wish I could have had the “more obvious” autism, at least then I could say see this is why, this is why I’m not what you want me to be. I don’t know if my dad would be more understanding if I was obviously disabled but at least if he wasn’t I would be allowed to resent him for it. Now I can’t even voice a slight annoyance because everything is just me overreacting, or me making excuses or being lazy or ungrateful.

Because the high functioning autistic couldn’t possibly be having autism related struggles, ooh no don’t you see it’s in the name ‘high functioning”, this means you only get the good parts. Whatever the fuck that means. Any struggle is overlooked because “you’re not that autistic, you seem so normal. But also you are so weird what is wrong with you? No one else thinks like that, or acts like that”