My mind grips me whole

As a virgin with nearly zero experience with physical intimacy, the amount of pent up sexual frustration boils within me… Everyday, every time I end up zoning out, I can find my imagination drifting off into someplace where I’m in an apartment, looking up at my mistress… She sits on the couch, watching the TV as I sat there naked and on the floor. She’s ignoring me entirely, making my sorry ass wishing that’d she’d even take a glance at me.

Finally, like a sad little dog, I crawl up to her… so needy to get her attention, yet too afraid to let myself touch her beauty. I lie by her feet, aching for her eyes to notice me, for her mouth to scold me, for her hands to hit me- SOMETHING to know that I am worthy of her acknowledgment. As my mind swallows me whole, she suddenly pulls my hair up. As my head jerks, our eyes meet.

I look on, anticipating punishment, ashamed of how much I want it, no matter how much I try to deny it. She looks back, and I can only suspect what’s running through her mind. Does she see my desperation? My desires, which I could never admit to? Does she feel the absolute control and power she has over me? Does she like seeing such an innocent face get tainted by the shameful appearance it holds, being unclothed and all on fours like an animal?

She pulls me up in the couch… My heart races. Why does she want to be at eye level? What is it? What does she have planned? A smile runs across her face. It’s wicked, and I know she must have something sadistic planned- yet I can’t stop my excitement from growing. I close my eyes, fearing how much my expressions could show my embarrassing thoughts.

However, as I do, she runs her fingers up into my hand, holding it gently. Such a wholesome gesture, but it’s making a shiver go down my spine. Am I worthy to touch a goddess like her? Do I deserve the blessing of her touch? No, no it must be a curse, as I feel my body submit itself to her soft fingers. It feels like I want to do nothing but melt into her, and give her my heart. No, I must…stay strong…

Yet, she uses her other hand to trail across my back, and I turn fully weak to her advances. I drop into her, as if she were embracing me. If I can’t handle a single touch from her..I wonder what’s happen if she used my weakness to her advantage. When I lay there, helpless to her, I can only imagine how much she could do to me if I am completely immobilized by her so easily.

My meek, little heart can’t handle her grace at all. With how little experience I have, I’d be completely helpless to whatever she wanted to do to me. And she knows that, and is fully willing to utilize it against me, because she also knows that I’d love every second of it… Then that’s when I snap out of the fantasy, since I could physically feel my body pulling back in order to handle my own imagination.