Trigger: Mid-air collusions

I'm so close to canceling my trip to Portugal. I've been like this my whole life where i'm a catastrophic thinker and when I get reassurance for one fear another crops up in its place. I'm playing non-stop whack-a mole. I'm so upset with the current state of the world (as I think most people are) and truly don't believe the government is interested in our safety and just wants profit. I can hear all the facts about how safe flying is but ever since that accident in Washington my body was practically sworn me off of flying. I almost feel depressed knowing that I'm forever stuck in this body that is so afraid of everything while people can just shrug these things off and assume it's not going to happen to them. I feel like there are way to many planes in the sky and air traffic controllers are overworked. I could just throw up thinking about how no one really cares about our safety. Sure the pilots do but do these mega-corporations? Also, I looked it up and it said my chances of dying in a plane crash is 1 in 1 million. I'm horrible at statistics but if 1.8 billion people flew last year those odds don't seem great. I know I sound crazy and cynical i'm just terrified. I feel my whole life is constantly waiting for the next shoe to drop and something is constantly trying to take me out. I also have to fly to Madeira. I don't want to be one of those close-minded never experiencing another culture people but my fear keeps me so stuck.